Frat Hop Like a Bro

Frat-Hop Like a Bro
Persia Salehi/Staff

It wasn’t until the cashier at Gypsy’s pointed to the Greek letters on my tank top and asked me which sorority I was in that I realized I had a problem. Because I’m not in a sorority, and I wasn’t wearing a puffy paint sorority tank — I was sporting my very own frat shirt.

To anyone else, spring semester was one for the record books. However, we’re also the outliers, the exceptions to the rule.

While frat hopping is a social calendar shoo-in for every freshman during fall semester, you’ll experience a severe drop-off when you come back from winter break. Something about strict guest lists, I’ve heard. Plus, when you’re wearing a mini skirt, the rain isn’t exactly motivating, either …

But I digress. In a nutshell, anyone with the right ratio can binge on jungle juice in a sweaty basement during Welcome Week, but it takes a certain kind of party animal to create staying power.

I’ve more than proven I can party with the wildest of animals. And I’m here to teach you, oh curious newbie, how to follow in my footsteps.

Step One: Blame it on those pesky double standards, but it helps immensely to be a girl. It’s just easier for a girl to infiltrate a frat house than it is for a guy to pull the same stunt at a sorority. Since sororities are officially dry, frats are responsible for throwing parties. Makes for easy pickings, if you happen to be a member of the fairer sex.

Step Two: Zone in on one of the smaller frats. My personal favorite flew under the radar this past year, but that didn’t stop its brothers from having a good time. The mere fact that it wasn’t wildly popular made it so much fun. Instead of trying to throw one major rager each semester, those guys were pretty much down for any impromptu chillax-sesh.

Step Three: Show up to any event they host. Even if it’s not official. Especially if it’s not official. You get to party with a smaller, more personal circle of people, all while making friends and memories (hopefully you’ll remember the latter in the morning). Bear in mind that everything is awkward until everyone gets drunk. Plus, less people equals less chance of running out of booze.

Step Five: Flirt mercilessly and become “good friends” with a few brothers. But in all seriousness, it’s definitely worth your while to befriend some frat guys. Earn their respect, not their belt notches. Not all of them are as stereotypically fratty as you’d expect, and most of them have your back. Even if that means walking you home when you’re too drunk to make it back to Clark Kerr alone.

Step Six: Do something crazy that goes down as the craziest thing to ever happen in that house. Use any means necessary to become the life of the party. Not like I’m pulling from personal experience here, but if they have a pool, strip down and jump in it. If there’s a table, dance on top of it. And if they keep letting you back in, make damn sure that you become a legend.

That’s all I can divulge for now. Please, my friends and I are going down in history, and we’re not about to give up that title any time soon. But that doesn’t mean we’re not going to seriously enjoy watching you try.

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  • uc

    I guess cal doesn’t require knowledge of basic English grammar to get in—the fool factory in full effect!

  • Sherman

    I’m guessing gpa below 3.0

  • El123

    This reads like a diary that “accidentally” got in the wrong hands and published. These antics are pathetic and needy. Every parent reading this will be wincing. OhMy! Follow this advice and you will be a legend … NOT in a good way.

  • Jim

    Trashy…

    “Use any means necessary to become the life of the party”
    You can’t be serious? You’ll learn that you don’t have to be this way to have fun. 

  • Guest

    This
    girl obviously has no sense of the real Greek community. I’d recommend
    doing the opposite of everything she says, especially “if they have a
    pool, strip down and jump in it. If there’s a table, dance on top of
    it.” She pretty much is an inch short of telling you to jump off the
    roof and crack your skull open, if it’ll make you a so-called “legend.”
    You don’t need to throw yourself out there and try to be the center of
    attention. You also don’t need to “flirt mercilessly” with the brothers.
    Guys know when you’re trying too hard and it’s honestly a turn-off. Be
    yourself and if you find a cool house, I’m sure the guys will be
    inviting you back. Don’t be showing up at their door step at every
    chance you get. Make them call you up and ask you to come back.

    I don’t know what house this girl is close with or is going to on a
    regular basis but I actually feel bad that they got to deal with her.
    Annie, will you please give us a few examples of how you’re “going down
    in history”? Because by the sounds of your article, you seem more like
    one of those girls who tries way too hard and is awkward to be around at
    a house rather than a girl cool enough to kick it with on a regular
    basis. Please share what you’ve done that has made you such a legend
    because I could use a few good laughs.

    Freshmen girls reading this article, do yourself a favor and don’t
    listen to this bimbo. She doesn’t know what she’s talking about and
    actually seems pretty desperate when it comes to guys. I’d recommend
    going out with a few of your friends to check out some frats and see
    which one you can see yourself hanging out with on a regular basis. If
    you both fit well together, the guys will probably be inviting you back.
    Or even check out the sorority scene during the first 2 weeks. Go
    through rush and if you find a cool house that you can see yourself in,
    go for it. If not, well at least you tried right? The Greek scene is not
    for everyone, but you might as well try it out because if it is for
    you, you’ll have an amazing four years in the Greek community. 

  • Guest

    Follow her sage advice if you’re eager to flunk out and become a wino.

  • http://twitter.com/PablitoTraverso Pablo Traverso

    CAL: Home to Judith Butler and home to this girl.

  • Anonymous

    Is this from the UCSB Nexus?

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