Ah. It’s the morning after. You wake up, look around you or next to you, and it hits you. You remember that last night, for whatever reason, you hooked up with the person beside you (or in whose room you’re in). Whether you’ve known them for a while or just met them (true one-night stand, holla!), you now have to deal with the morning after.

Do you slip out without being seen? Do you wake him or her up? How long do you stay? Should you have a bit of morning convo? Should you talk about what happened? Pretend like it didn’t? Act like you enjoyed it and wouldn’t mind doing it again? Or do you just play it cool to avoid seeming clingy? This is complicated!

Assuming that “last night” was enjoyable or at least decent, whatever you do, don’t be awkward. Why? Because this person just obliged your desires with their body. And if you want a repeat, don’t be awkward. Let’s just say that the thought of sleeping again with a guy that’s acting awkwardly right now is not appealing at all.

So, gentlemen, here are a few tips based on some of the various things I’ve awakened to after my sexcapades:

Do: Say good morning (and mean it). Do offer me water (I’m assuming a quite large amount of alcohol was consumed last night and as usual, I did not hydrate before passing out post-sex). Do tell me you would offer to make me breakfast if I wasn’t already going to a pancake fundraising event (I like to think that you see me as a human being that has food needs, not an object you bring home for a good time). Do walk or drive me home — this is not room service, I don’t just show up to your door and bow out on my own the next morning.

Don’t: Just wake up, put your clothes on and then disappear somewhere in your home — I just let you have your way with my vagina, so you can’t simply pretend like I’m not there or let me find my way out through the maze that is your frat house. Don’t tell me I made a funny but cute face when you woke me up because you need to go (I still maintain that I did not make a funny face that one time). Don’t fake a headache because you’re too lazy to walk me home (and I’m not buying the “I need to finish this assignment before class” excuse you also gave me, either). Don’t make the puzzling statement that “it’s been a while since you’ve felt used like this” (you’re gorgeous, an athlete and it’s not your first one-night stand, so I have no idea what you’re talking about).

I wonder what tomorrow morning will be like.

Kia Kokalitcheva is the Sex on Tuesday blogger. Follow her on Twitter @imkialikethecar.

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