During a recent homework break, I was browsing through a bunch of websites on which I like to waste time, and I stumbled upon a piece written because of the newly-released Anna Faris movie “What’s your number?“ Although I had seen the movie’s trailer many times before, I had never paid attention to its premise until I read this. After giving a brief synopsis of the movie, the author discussed the whole issue of the number of sexual partners a person has had and the subsequent judgments and assumptions that people derive from that number. This definitely hit home for me.
As a girl in college and a witness to our current sex culture, the number game is still definitely a challenge. I’m saying that it’s a challenge because I still hear fellow college students label girls that hookup (whatever that means exactly) relatively often with different guys as “sluts.” On the other hand, as many of you know, guys still take pride in having a high number of conquests and while some girls do look down upon those guys’ behavior, they still get to comfortably proclaim that number.
We, girls, can’t.
But, to be honest, I think this double standard is absolutely ridiculous. I have no shame in the “long” list of guys I’ve slept with. Hell, if you ask my friends, I’m actually kind of proud of my very good-looking track record. And, I’ve very consciously decided to have sex with each and every one of them.
This brings me to my next thought on this whole lopsided issue. Why is there a double standard? Why is it OK, and even an achievement when a dude adds another chick to his list, but an “oops-oh-no” when a girl does it?
I think it goes back to the whole “women must remain pure” nonsense of back in the day, as well as a balance of power when it comes to physical encounters. This second explanation is the one that really irritates me. For a while, I’ve been sensing that when it comes to hooking up, and especially having sex, there’s a popular belief that men “get” sex and women “give it up” to them. So, that means that if a guy succeeds at convincing a girl to have sex with him, he accomplished something, and if I girl does have sex with a guy, she lost some battle and now should be ashamed of her weakness.
I personally like to give myself a pat on the back when I go out, meet a sexy dude, vibe with him, and end my night getting down and dirty with him. I wouldn’t say that I derive my self-esteem from “accomplishing” this, but I’m definitely not feeling any kind of shame because of it. I did not screw up “give” him something I shouldn’t have.
I went out, I scored, good for me. So ladies, however “high” your number is, be proud and continue the good work.
Kia Kokalitcheva is the Sex on Tuesday blogger. Follower her on Twitter @imkialikethecar.