The answer? Never. Ever, ever.
The other day, I decided to take a stroll through Cosmo’s Love & Sex section as a means of procrastination, and stumbled upon an article titled “How to Tell Him You’ve Been Faking It.” My immediate reaction: Unnecessary article because you should never fake it. Period. Really, it’s not doing anyone a favor. This practice should not be encouraged or perpetuated.
To be fair, I can see how if you pick someone up, take ‘em home (or go to their place), and eventually decide that you’re too tired or just not in the mood for a long tutorial on how to do you right, you may want to fake it. But, besides that and lazy sex, there is no reason to fake.
As I said, it doesn’t do anyone a favor. You don’t’ get to finish or even have awesome sex, and his skills continue to be subpar. Or even just straight up horrible.
So, instead of doing your best interpretation of Sally Albright some or most of the time, just tell him you’re not going to reach sexual nirvana. Then, tell him how you would.
The bottom line: we are all different, so what is actually going to make you cum is different from what works for another chick. I mean, yes, it’s pretty awesome when a guy already knows some toe-curling, back-arching, heavy-breathing-inducing tricks, but I think that the true measure of his skills is how well he can figure you out and take some direction. This isn’t about stroking his ego and making him think that that whatever he thinks are super cool sex moves, it’s about him doing whatever gets you to find him super freakin’ great in bed.
There is another aspect to this issue. Not all of us actually do orgasm vaginally. In fact, only about a third of girls have vaginal orgasms almost every time, a third sometimes do, and the last third never do that way. And there is nothing wrong with that — and good thing nature gave us the clit!
As one of those who just don’t, I’ve always just told the guys that it’s not going to happen so that I don’t have to fake anything, and to keep them from agonizing the whole time over why I haven’t peaked yet and how long it’s going to take me (props to the one guy who already knew this statistic when I told him). If you’re one of us, I suggest you do this too. Whether he offers to figure out how to work your hot button is a whole other issue, however.
So go ahead, and stop faking it. Even if he gets offended for a minute, he’ll get over it, especially after he does thrust/finger/suck/lick you to the finish line. And you’ll be much more stoked about sex now.
Kia Kokalitcheva is the Sex on Tuesday blogger. Follower her on Twitter @imkialikethecar