Being superficial is wrong. You shouldn’t pick your friends based on their looks (trust me, there are tons to gorgeous bitchy girls and hunky assholes around). You shouldn’t be mean to people because you don’t think they’re good looking enough to deserve your kindness. Many would also argue that you shouldn’t pick your significant others solely based on looks. We’ve all heard this rhetoric while growing up.
But what about the world of casual sex? The world where hookups are purely for physical satisfaction. What place does superficiality have there? Is it still wrong to make decisions based on physique and sexual attraction? I would like to argue that it’s not.
Earlier this semester, I went to a party and ended up in the host’s room. Needless to say, we were engaged in the standard make out session that leads to the bed, and eventually sex. So as we made out on his bed, I reached down his pants to play with it, and also to see what he was working with. Unfortunately, I was not impressed with his equipment, and in my drunken stupor communicated that to him. His response? He called me superficial and told me that size is not what’s important.
Now, don’t get me wrong: I know that was pretty rude and mean, and sober me would have never said that to his face. However, let’s look beyond my little display of bad manners and at the issue at hand. Why am I in his bedroom hooking up with him? Because newly single me, who had a disappointing “small” encounter just days prior, is horny and wants to get good sex. I’m not trying to “make an emotional connection here” — that was my rebuttal to his response.
As some of you might know, I can be a fan of “relationship sex” and what the emotional aspect of it brings to the experience. However, this is a different situation. All I want is to have good sex with a sexually attractive guy. And I have certain basic requirements. I know some of you out there are angrily thinking that it’s not about size, but about skills. True — kind of. If I can barely (or not at all) feel it inside me, how are you going to compensate for that? Great oral? Good for you that you have those skills, but that’s not all I want right now.
Your girlfriend for whom you care deeply and who cares deeply about you will probably not even care and just appreciate what you can do for her and the great intimate and emotional connection you make in bed. But that was not me in that situation. All I wanted was satisfying sex, and I have a pretty good idea of what I like and want.
Again, I know it was rude of me to say it to his face. I’m not disputing that. But these are situations entirely based on physical attraction to begin with. After all, “you can’t fuck a personality,” as a friend of my mine once pointed out.
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Kia’s an appropriate name for someone who’s been driven so much. Stay classy.
As said before; “An article about size of a penis that doesn’t mention the size of the penis is idiotic.”
What was his size, approximately?
Kia, I loved both your honesty and bias. Both are circumstantial attributes all human beings express daily. You demonstrate both by disclosing you prefer to have sex with males you deem visually attractive, and that penis size when erect is one of those visual and functional attribute. As a male with a relatively huge penis (7 inches 1.75 thickness) compared to the global stastical norm (6-inches 1.25 thickness), I’v been rejected many times for being ”too big” – never too small. My feelings (ego) was not hurt. Why? Because I’ve rejected hundreds of females because my socialized (taken for granted biases) interpreted all female physical attributes both categoricallly and subjectively — be it age, race, color, size, height, hair color, facial features, scars, pimples, body odor, any ”arbitrarly” attribute. Unlike you, I don’t apologize for my socialized, biased, arbitrary likes and dislikes — even when I consciously know I’m being a hypocrite or acting-out double-standards I would “hate” applied to me. I 100% agree you’re big-penis preference (regardless of context) is UN-EVOLVED. But so what! I suspect no human being on the planet (even the supposedly most evolved (open-minded and multicultural) is free of hyprocrasy, contradiction, double-standards, and bias/bigotry — none! For example, I’m technically obese, subjectively ugly compared to most cute and gorgeous males, and have lots of other imperfections. Yet I won’t sex-out any female who doesn’t meet my “minimum let’s have sex conditions” — the upfront criteria being arbitrary physical attraction, birth-control, safer-sex, where all else is optional, heck most times undesired, lol. So, yes, strive to be more “diplomatic” in how you reject males, as our egos get sliced-n-diced (devasted) dozens if not hundreds of a times a day, 365 given our still lop-sided sexist expectation that men must initiate and approach women. But don’t be disingenuous about what you want, just to satisfy some imaginary standard of open-mindedness and compassion (golden-rule ethic) that few if any human beings out of 6.9 billion practice — for each of us practices self-service rationalized hypocrasy!
For most American women, being superficial isn’t that difficult…
Kia, I have a tip for you. To save you the time and disappointment of a “small encounter,” just wear a T-shirt saying “must be this long to enter” and put the desired junk length and girth on the shirt. On the back of the shirt you can put a laundry list of other deal-killers, like being Asian.
Great article, Kia. Personally, whenever I see a girl I immediately size her up. If her breasts aren’t bigger than grapefruits, there won’t be sex. Cuts, scars, blemishes—deal killers. When it comes to casual sex, we’re just sacks of meat cut into various shapes and wrapped in skin of various quality, and I only fuck grade-A. If a girl doesn’t cut it, she can always do plastic surgery. If she can’t afford it… well, poor people are unsexy anyway.
How small are we talking about here?
Five inches? Four? Three?
An article about size of a penis that doesn’t mention the size of the penis is idiotic.
FEMINISTS LIKE KIA: “Men are evil for objectifying women! I won’t date a man who doesn’t have a big dick!”
Oi vey! The stupid runs deep in this one!
Hey Kia!
Girl you ain’t got enough tit for me to hit that shit.
Come back once you’ve ponied up the cheddar for some top-shelf implants, y’hear?
Do some axe-wound workouts, tighten that shit up.
Yes, talk about a hotdog in a hallway situation, did your previous boyfriend stretch it out beyond recovery, Kia? It only gets worse with age and childbirth, so you better plan on climbing an ever increasing line of penises culminating in Shrek/Donkey … I’ll remember this article next time I’m in the hot and heavy with a woman who has a loose vagina and/or saggy mudpie teats, I’ll just say, “madam, you’re vagina is too wide and/or your breasts are too droopy, I shall not have sex with you today!” Actually, I’ve been in that situation before, so I have to say that you’re at least partially correct, it’s definitely a downer. Or perhaps you haven’t yet been with a man who knew how to do more than throw his big donkey-dork down your hallway. You’re still pretty young, and so I assume, not very experienced. Tell you what, if you like I’ll arrange to throw my average-sized hotdog down your hallway, along with some other tricks I’ve picked up over the years, and then we can both judge the truth of this matter. Furthermore, no slut-shaming intended here, I love sluts !!
She can always offer the back entrance if it’s not tight enough up front…
And what if you were rudely turned down for casual sex by a guy — well into a so-called “make-out” session — because he told you that your boobs were too small, that you weren’t skinny enough, or for some other superficial and judgmental criticism about your body? How would that make you feel, as a woman? What you are implying is that people who do not fit into society’s standard conventions of physical beauty are inherently sexually undesirable. This kind of attitude simply reinforces body image insecurity and, rather than allowing people to feel comfortable with their unique physical makeup, encourages people to feel inferior in comparison to those individuals whom society has somehow dubbed more attractive due to their possession of a few limited physical characteristics.
I totally understand that one wouldn’t necessarily want to hop in the sack with someone one finds unattractive. For that matter, I don’t believe that anyone should hop into a relationship with someone they legitimately find unattractive. What I find upsetting about this article is its reinforcement of very narrow conceptions of what is attractive or sexually desirable. Women with small breasts can be attractive, just as as can a guy with an average or even small penis. People of various weights, ethnicity, and facial features can be attractive. While everyone has their individual tastes and preferences, I think that this reductionistic attitude towards what defines sexual appeal is detrimental to our culture and to the self-esteem of many men and women. This article reinforces a narrow and judgmental perspective on physical beauty that encourages objectifying and judging others based on a narrow set of physical characteristics without appreciating the beautiful diversity and variation of people and their physical makeup.
Its okay Kia, most girls like it BIG ;)
Mrandall, you are way too sore over this. Kia needs something bigger to satisfy her, which is completely understandable. This article was not at all about society’s categories of attraction; it was about the author’s sexual attractions. She can’t help it — she likes what she likes. When looking for casual sex, she likes is a guy she finds attractive with equipment that she finds attractive, end of story.
When he called you superficial, did he hear an echo? If so he should be more understanding about your size requirements.
Reading this article was a totally anticlimactic experience. You took a topic that had great potential and turned it into a complete dead fish. Thanks
Must be like throwing a sausage down a hallway with this girl.
You realize that vaginal tightness is a combination of genetics and muscle tone right, not experience right? And since orgasm works the kegels, a more experienced girl may actually be “tighter”.
If you are going for slut-shaming, try to go for something that make sense? Oh wait, that doesn’t actually exist.
And they wonder why feminists are often viewed as being humorless.
I read the comment as reflecting that size is a two street, any shade of promiscuity appears to be your own projection.
“You realize that vaginal tightness is a combination of genetics and muscle tone right, not experience right?”
And how does this contradict the person you’re replying to?
And slut shaming? Isn’t that redundant?
This is what happens when feminism meets a future porn star.
I can be pretty superficial myself. For instance, I only date Asian girls because all the white girls at Berkeley seem to be more or less as dumb as this one.
I feel sorry for those Asian girls. They’re dating one hell of a dumb, racist guy.
Not so much superficial, but selfish and most likely highly annoying.
Is casual sex supposed to be selfless? As one friend put it, casual sex is about using each other, which seems like an inherently selfish proposition.
As to annoying, maybe for the guy. But there is really nothing that has her inherently invested in his good opinion, is there?
It’s definitely mean, and I wouldn’t necessarily consider it best practice because you never really know, but if she wasn’t interested for whatever reason (penis size or otherwise) she sure as shit didn’t owe him sex.