There was a racially charged bake sale in September. Then those Occupy Oakland protests rolled out and eventually led to UC Berkeley’s own Occupy Cal activities. Amidst the November that will go down in history as one of the craziest anyone has ever seen, students were hit by police batons, an armed student was shot on campus, a fire broke out on Telegraph Avenue and thousands gathered to hear Robert Reich, campus public policy professor and former U.S. Secretary of Labor, speak.
We witnessed Chancellor Robert Birgeneau’s resignation announcement in March, the re-redesign and transition to broadsheet page, a certain V.O.I.C.E. Initiative that rallied the staff for the spring semester and an undeniable triumph in May that saw the Daily Cal take home 23 California College Media Association (CCMA) awards.
Not to be intimidated, former city news editor Stephanie Baer is ready to assume control as the next editor in chief and president. Baer expressed excitement in leading the Daily Cal, the Burr Dance and the too-small blue exercise ball to the new office on Northside.
“Hapa Number 1,” she said with a smile.
Former managing editor Leslie Toy is signing off for now, after having forever ruined the word “voice” for everyone she worked with. Office Jackie-of-all-trades Emma Anderson will be running the new newsroom as managing editor this fall following her extensive time in the news, opinion and development departments. Her tenure is likely to be defined by an unflappable work ethic, nuanced expertise and persistence in referring to herself in the third person.
Holding down the fort until the fall, former opinion editor Nicholas Myers will be trying his own hand at running the newsroom with a summer tenure as managing editor. Myers is now trying his hardest to have “zoop” and “derp” join “centerpiece” and “strip lede” in budget vocabulary.
Replacing him on the opinion desk is former sports editor Jonathan Kuperberg, followed by former university news editor J.D. Morris starting in August. Kuperberg was last seen looking for editorial topics that have anything to do with grace or land, preferably the two together.
“It’s the only Paul Simon reference I couldn’t work in during my sports editorship!” Kuperberg said. “You should read my SAP — it’s priority number one. That and more inches. Always more inches.”
Morris, for his part, is prepared to give city and state officials no break in assessing endorsements for the election this fall, all while donning his sock monkey hat.
Adelyn Baxter, having successfully become the staff expert on medical cannabis, city council issues, the perpetually vacant lot on Telegraph Avenue and Quidditch, is set to run the news show this summer. She continues to vehemently deny any comparisons to Ginny Weasley.
Baxter will also be running the city desk this fall, paired with former assistant city news editor Sarah Burns, who will be assuming the university editorship. The latter will be replacing the esteemed Soumya Karlamangla, who has decided to take a step back from the newsdesk in order to refocus her attention on her budding basketball career. Burns, for her part, plans to sing at every budget.
“Watch me incorporate cake, cats and categories into one ditty,” she said, a song in her heart.
Not to be outdone in making questionable noises, Emily Smith will be returning for her second semester as design editor this fall. That is, if she’s not first apprehended for trying to “borrow” cute children from their Cal football fathers.
“BABIES!” she said, like pretty much every day.
Aleli Balaguer has committed to run the desk until Smith’s return in August. She was last seen trying to illustrate and design the entirety of her own issue, to be first shared via Instagram.
As an expert in creating her own Instagram images, former arts editor Nastia Voynovskaya has left UC Berkeley and the arts desk to continue her status as an East Bay arts guru at High-Fructose. Jessica Pena, her successor this summer, will spend her tenure in droll discussions with Sir Lester Butterfill XXIX. Former assistant Sarah Burke will take over the Arts desk this fall, continuing the storied tradition of the department being the most fashionable in the office.
“Seriously, I just had this lying around,” Burke said as she walked into the room and made all present look like shabby slobs.
Not to be left out, summer photo editor Gracie Malley will be fiercely defending her photo turf after inheriting the desk from Kevin Foote. Foote, for his part, has been trying to introduce his “Weekly Recap” voice to a larger audience.
“Bah bah ba dem bah, Pepe’s Pizza,” Foote said, much to the Ad department’s delight.
This fall, Foote’s former assistant Derek Remsburg will be taking charge of the photo department, perpetuating the tradition of hapa excellence.
Former multimedia editor Cecilia Wong will remain a part of the department but plans to spend more time outside of the office, save when she needs to shower. Anya Schultz will be ascending from assistant to multimedia editor this fall, continuing a strong interdepartmental partnership with Remsburg in really the only Daily Cal work that could be vaguely construed as a backroom deal. Esteemed illustrator, photographer and designer Anna Vignet will be adding multimedia to the wide array of her capabilities, serving as editor this summer until Schultz’s return.
“Where could I move on to next?” said Vignet aloud, eyeing the sports desk.
“Oh no you don’t,” said summer sports editor Chris Yoder.
“I WILL get sassy,” said incoming sports editor Annie Gerlach. “I have been well-trained and am completely prepared to troll budget.”
Lila Suleiman, esteemed sales manager from last year and continuing in the next, rolled her eyes.
“At least one side of this office is working,” she said. “Cupcakes, anyone?”
“Hell yeah,” said Lynn Yu, V.O.I.C.E. campaign manager and summer blog editor. “I’ll make a spreadsheet so they can be distributed equally by section and text people right before it’s their turn to get one.”
Fiona Hannigan, returning this fall for her second semester as blog editor, wondered aloud if the Clog had yet done a pastry crawl.
Elaine Ou, former night editor, quickly searched the archives. She studiously ignored summer night editor Katie Miller and incoming fall night editor Alex Wolinsky arguing about how to refer to their department.
“Alex, ‘Ladies of the Night’ is perfectly acceptable according to AP style,” Miller said.
In response to the conflict, former staff representative Shweta Doshi looked at incoming staff rep Aaida Samad.
“This one’s for you,” Doshi said. “I have to catch up on Beyonce’s Tumblr.”
Samad sighed and turned to her successors in the development department, Christina Jones for the summer and Victoria Pardini starting in August. They both shrugged.
Living legend Javier Panzar has left his online managing post to explore the western hemisphere outside of California. His physical absence, however, does not mean he will desist watching the further growth of The Daily Californian’s online content.
“Yeah, brah,” he said. “Better watch yourself if I see a Facebook post without a bit.ly link.”
His successor, former multimedia editor Kelly Fang, is well on the way to starting her own love affair with analytics.
Former editor in chief Tomer Ovadia has taken his Tomering to the East Coast, fondly remembering the year during which the office mice likely ate more frequently than he did.
“I feel like I had an unhealthy love of one term to share with you all,” Ovadia said. “But I don’t think I said it often enough. Oh well, good year.”
As of press time, the word “innovation” had been laid to momentary rest.