Although all the other parts of our lives are perpetually changing, at least one thing is truly stable: the past. Even if we have no idea who we are or who we want to be, we can always remember who we’ve been.
Despite having been overwhelmed about starting UC Berkeley, I’ve still found time to get sentimental. I’ve recently felt the urge to visit spots around San Francisco I haven’t been to in years, to reminisce about all the crazy experiences I’ve had with my friends, to dig through all my old stuff and try to imagine what everything once meant to me. This week, I seem a hundred thousand times more likely to burst into tears during sad parts of a movie and infinitely less ready to move out of my house.
But I do have a question as I wistfully stroll down memory lane: As we embark on our futures, how valuable is it to try to remember our pasts?
Memories are a huge part of our lives. Whether we recognize it or not, everything we are relates to something we’ve learned; it’s vital for our sense of identity to remember all the things that we’ve done. Yet, it’s so easy to forget things that have happened, it almost seems natural — we have too many things to think about, too many new things to learn, to continuously revel in that which we already know. With everyone always talking about how valuable our memories are, how precious they are, how life is nothing without them, how they are all we have in the end, this forgetfulness could be construed as tragic.
But while I agree that certain memories must be cherished, I do think that reliving the past — at least in excess — brings about more harm than good.
Holding our memories in such high value is problematic because it’s only natural for us to distort them — we’re prone to seeing the past as some distant world where everything just felt a little better. The past always seems to carry a rosy tint, even though we can consciously recall unhappiness: We tend to remember the past as being much brighter and simpler than it actually was. Living in the past with that rose-tinted vision makes it more difficult to get through the monotony of real, everyday life, because memories — even the bad ones — now seem better than they really were.
Too much attachment to our memories can keep us from living our lives by giving us an impossible goal: the recreation of our glorified pasts.
At the opposite extreme are people who don’t necessarily want to remember. Last year, I met this remarkably sweet woman; from talking to her about her new life, one would never know that she had been forced to completely re-imagine herself in hopes of pursuing a brighter future. As she opened up about herself, she tearfully revealed that she was hiding from a dark past, one full of abuse and neglect, insecurities and attention-seeking behaviors — and eventually drug addiction and sexually transmitted disease. She knew she couldn’t take back the mistakes she had made, so she distanced herself from her past and gave herself a chance at taking back what was left of her life.
Regret like hers is fairly well understood; we are only human, and we make mistakes. If we are unwilling to let go, there may be no hope to recover from the damages done. And we must recover — for the sake of our sanity and well-being, we simply have to escape our demons to keep living. “Not the power to remember, but its very opposite, the power to forget, is a necessary condition for our existence,” said Jewish novelist Sholem Asch.
I’m not sure if we should — or even could — completely forget, but I believe we absolutely must let things go.
Especially when regrets reach a more global scale. We know that we should learn from history’s mistakes; forgetting the past is unacceptable. The danger is not in remembering; rather, the danger is in unwillingness to forgive.
Some events leave such an impact on us that we just want to hit someone; that’s what my friend told me it was like when his father was killed in 9/11. When we feel wronged, “forgive and forget” seems intolerable. Yet, if we live by Hammurabi’s “an eye for an eye” rather than Gandhi’s “an eye for an eye makes the whole world blind,” we’re going to detonate the world.
Reliving the past again and again does more harm than good; there’s nothing you can do to change the past, just as there’s no way to bring it back. We’ve got to keep moving on, at both a personal and a global level — in the end, there’s nothing else to be done.
But we can never forget. The past is the one thing in our lives that is truly stable, and even when we have no idea who we are or who we want to be, we must always remember who we’ve been.
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Excellent points to remembered. Balancing our memories is a high wire act…difficult, but not impossible, as you pointed out. Very good insight, Miss Mia.
I think Mia’s writing is pretty good but for reason it seems to bring out the psychos lurking in Daily Cal commenters.
Very sweet, pretty little article from what appears to be a very sweet, pretty girl.
What is it about Mia’s writing that makes people want to respond? And no, it’s not her blonde curls. Mia has an innocent yet inquisitive style that truly stands out. She really does sound like a freshman spreading her wings and trying to make sense of adulthood. We would like to guide her, but somehow I don’t think she needs any help. Anyways, she picked another good topic. I say we should never forget or “let things go”, especially in international politics. For decades we thought little acts of violence against American interests by Muslim extremists were mere annoyances. Even the bombing of the World Trade Center in 1993 didn’t wake us up to the realities of terrorism. It took 9/11 to force us into action. Now that Osama is dead and al Qaeda is in hiding, should we just forgive and forget? Fuggedaboutit! Not a chance! We must continue our vigilance, continue to destroy terrorist camps, and never allow those terrorists to attack our country again. We react immediately to hate speech on campus because we remember the lessons of our own history. We conservatives also react to hints of communist ideas in local politics because we remember the lessons of Stalin and Mao, where private property became a bad word and the rich really were soaked under six feet of water. Israel will not forget about Muslim aggression in the Middle East, even after the Arab Spring. Asians will never forget about Japanese occupation. Japanese Americans will always remember Manzanar. And New Orleans will never forget about Katrina. Memory, though painful, serves as a reminder to never again allow tragedy through inaction.
When it comes to personal tragedy, the trick is not to forget and move on, but to remember and triumph anyways over the tragedy. Did South African runner Oscar Pistorius try to forget about his amputations and settle for a job as a web designer? No, he triumphed over his tragedy by getting blades and he made the Olympics team. The woman Mia talked about had a sad history, but did she try to forget it? No, I think her experience strengthens her resolve every day to build a better life for herself. As S.J. Watson said, “What are we, if not an accumulation of our memories?”
Well, I think the point of the column was that you can’t forget — that’s pretty clear, from the first line to the “I don’t think we can forget” to the ending.The woman Mia talks about didn’t try to forget her past, but she did try to move past it, and continue on with her life. I believe that’s what Ms. Shaw is trying to say.
Her first question was “…how valuable is it to try to remember our pasts?” So you’re right, she’s not saying we should forget our past, just not remember it as much simpler and brighter than it was. However, how can anyone at Cal not remember the first kiss in middle school or the thrill of graduating among the top 10 in high school? I would argue that trying to recreate some of that adrenaline every day actually helps in college. Remembering one’s past triumphs gives motivation for future goals. The Bulgarian Lordan Lovtchev has gray hair yet still competed in men’s gymnastics rings at the 2012 Olympics. Of course, people on anti-depressive medication probably should not dwell on their past, but hopefully making new friends helps.
Mia later cautions “…the danger is in unwillingness to forgive”. As Grace Hopper said, “it’s easier to ask for forgiveness than to ask for permission”. People expect forgiveness as part of Western culture, perhaps due to the influence of Judeo-Christian theology and affluence of English-speaking countries. Hinduism also preaches forgiveness. From the Mahabharata: “Righteousness is the one highest good; and forgiveness is the one
supreme peace; knowledge is one supreme contentment; and benevolence,
one sole happiness.” But I think born losers take advantage of forgiving people, so it should not be given automatically. If Kristen Stewart cheats on you, don’t forgive her, make her pay for breaking your trust. If your roommate steals your laser printer paper, don’t forgive so quickly because it will happen again and again. If illegal aliens sneak across the border with their kids and then beg for forgiveness and amnesty for the sake of their children, don’t succumb to their pleas because following right behind are millions more just like them. Be compassionate, but know when you are being taken advantage of.
I’m not sure anyone was disputing the not forgetting part.
I would disagree with one point. A good part of what makes people respond is Mia’s looks. There are far too many comments about her looks to say that her “blond curls” are not a factor. The other part is that she take a position that makes people want to respond. Cal people love to debate, and Mia sets up her opinions so that we can debate. Remove the picture. It would be interesting to see how the comments change when posters had no idea that an attractive woman might be reading them.
She can’t help how she looks. Why is everyone so focused on that about her? I thought this column was very cute.
People focus on positive attributes. Good looks is a positive attribute. So I expect people to focus on it. I also liked this column.
I’ll agree she took a great photo for the DC, but her self-deprecating writing style makes her seem more approachable so a lot of people want to chime in. Even without a photo you can easily imagine a highly intelligent and sensitive young adult on the cusp of answering life’s many questions while learning from new friends, teachers, and experiences. Every time these young adults start forming biases that push them towards the right or left, I want to tell them to just stay open minded. Of course, being a conservative, I have my biases too, but Cal is where good thinkers come to learn to be great thinkers.
I can tell that Mia is intelligent. How many Cal students would reference Hammurabi? I enjoy the columns even though I tend to disagree with some of her ideas, but the debate is part of the fun.
This is EXACTLY why I think her column has charm. She quotes Hammurabi and Gandhi because UC-bound seniors can plausibly quote these historical figures without sounding fake. I bet she has the capability to quote esoteric philosophy from obscure writers but chose not to because that would make most readers resent her and we would no longer try to post bits of our own philosophy in the comments section. Her musings remind me of an older Lizzie McGuire or a younger Carrie Bradshaw.
“What is it about Mia’s writing that makes people want to respond?”
Most likely because she seems to have some semblance of a functioning mind even if she is a bit misguided on a few issues, as opposed to the usual indoctrinated left-wing screeching parrots that usually infest the Opinion pages of the Daily Cal…