Steve Sarkisian and Tosh Lupoi want you to hate them even more

The Bears and the Huskies will face off on Nov. 2 at Memorial Stadium. The game will mark the first time that Sarkisian and Lupoi set foot on Cal turf since their departures.
Emma Lantos/File
The Bears and the Huskies will face off on Nov. 2 at Memorial Stadium. The game will mark the first time that Sarkisian and Lupoi set foot on Cal turf since their departures.

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Apparently Washington head coach Steve Sarkisian loves making people angry.

At a recent pep rally, Sarkisian forgot to follow the “if you don’t have anything nice to say, don’t say anything at all” rule, making plenty of disparaging remarks about Berkeley. You can download and listen to the audio here.

He opened things up by questioning by expressing how perplexed he’s been by Cal’s recent success in recruiting.

“Everytime I’d always see Cal getting these guys … I’m like how is Cal…the CAL BEARS! They haven’t been to the Rose Bowl in a hundred and eighty-eight years. Like how are they getting anybody?” Sarkisian said.

Grammatical ineptitude aside, Sarkisian apparently forgot that the state of California was founded in 1850, or 162 years ago. He also probably forgot that the first Rose Bowl was played in 1902, or 110 years ago. It also isn’t important to note that Cal last played in the Rose Bowl in 1959, 53 years ago.

But factual correctness is just so boring. Hyperbole is way more fun.

“How do the Cal Bears get ANYBODY, EVER, to go to their school?” Sarkisian said. “Needless to say, play football there? We’re talking about football players!”

It’s a valid question. Why would anyone ever want to come to the number one public school in the nation, located in the middle of the vibrant bay area where the people are awesome and the weather is always nice. No one in their right mind would want to be part of a 144-year tradition of excellence that includes 70 Nobel Prizes, 9 Wolf Prizes, 7 Field Medals, 15 Turing Awards, 45 MacArthur Fellowships, 20 Academy Awards and 11 Pulitzer Prizes — as well as the discovery of 14 elements. It just doesn’t make sense.

Also Aaron Rodgers has been on record to say that he hated his time at Cal, and is still annoyed that Jeff Tedford dragged him out of the depths of community college irrelevancy and put him on the path to becoming the best quarterback in the world.

He probably wishes he played his college ball at Washington, where the sun never shines and everyone is depressed all the time. That’s where you want to be. Why play for Cal when you can be part of a mediocre football team and a mediocre school? Sorry, scratch that. A “university of the world.”

Sarkisian later turned the microphone over to Tosh Lupoi, who might be the only member of his staff that Cal fans hate more. Also, based on his introduction, apparently Lupoi is now a member of SAE, because he could’ve been mistaken for a brother in that house.

Amid an otherwise unmemorable speech full of clichés, Lupoi decided he couldn’t pass up the chance to further bash his own alma mater. Upon discussing how awesome the current pep rally was, he had some interesting comments about the lack of support he felt as a Cal football player.

“From the place he mentioned (Cal), I wasn’t going to bring it up,” Lupoi said. “But from the place I Just came from, I remember when we finished up our scrimmage, our mock game, we get slurpees.”

Oh, I see how it is. Slurpees aren’t good enough. Next time we’ll make sure you get a nice glass of merlot to go along with a foot rub. Sorry that our delicious iced beverages — perfect to cool down with after a scrimmage — weren’t classy enough for a man who just oozes class out of his pores.

Cal fans already had Nov. 2 marked on their calendars. Now that date is circled and highlighted in three different colors.

It’s officially on.