The (second) first time

Sex on Tuesday

nadia.web

I was nervous, drunk and extremely self-conscious. For a minute we just stared at each other, and I couldn’t believe adorable skater girl was actually in my room. And then we collided and started making out and shoving and stripping. She knew exactly what to do and exactly what I wanted.  After years of having sex with men and questioning, realizing and attempting to embrace my bisexuality, this first sexual encounter with a woman finally fulfilled my lifelong suspicions of being a vagina-tarian.

This past Labor Day weekend marked the one-year anniversary of that first time I had sex with a woman. It was a memorable experience not only because was it my first girl encounter but because it was also my first one-night stand, my first booty call and my first morning after. I experienced all of the above at once and came out a happy camper.

It was absolutely nerve-wracking to feel like a virgin again after years of destroying lives in the bedroom. I fearfully took a few shots of tequila in advance of the encounter and dialed the girl’s number. I was tripping balls the entire time, especially because she was an acquaintance whom I had had a crush on for some time.

This homegirl was a champ with experience way over my years. She had so much swag, I wanted to fuck her from the moment I was introduced to her. But of course I was intimidated. I didn’t know what to do since I had no idea what good or bad lesbian sex was actually like.

But she was awesome.

She showed me the fun things girls can do to each other and led me into the right positions. She understood that it was my first time and didn’t make me feel like a complete newb.

The learning curve disappears pretty quickly if you have your own vagina. I was familiar with the locations and functions of the female anatomy and could refer to what felt good to me when figuring out what to do to her. Since that night, I constantly crave vagina in my mouth and … other things. In the morning, we talked, played and laughed some more.

This encounter was the dictionary definition of a booty called the one-night stand. But as I watched her skate away down my street in the morning, I realized that the notion of being used for sex by a woman didn’t bother me as much as it would have if she were a man. Intimate experiences with women do nothing but increase my confidence.

I found that it takes much less trust for me to engage in sex with a woman because the agonizing possibility of getting pregnant is no longer there. Sex with a woman is just as intense, action-packed and satisfying to me as having sex with a man.

Despite having this experience under my belt, getting with women is still very tricky for me. I become extremely unnerved by women whom I am attracted to, which makes me unsure of what to do. I’m slowly getting accustomed to the ways of getting women to talk to me, like me, find me interesting and spend time with me. It doesn’t help that I’ve been socialized all my life to act in ways that would only attract men.

Having sex with anyone of any gender is special and significant. There’s a reason it took me a long time to actually engage in sex with a woman even after years of being sure I was bisexual. I had to become comfortable enough with myself to expand my sexual boundaries and go forward. It took countless years of trials and mishaps in female interactions to make myself comfortable around women and make women comfortable around me.

But sex is about attraction, not orientation. I was always attracted to women, but because I only had experience being with men, sometimes I was made to feel as though this attraction was not valid. When I began identifying as bisexual, I had to prove my orientation or live up to it, mostly by having sex.

The bottom line is don’t let labels invalidate or deny your sexuality or keep you from exploring your attractions.

I am proud that my first girl-lay-one-night-stand-booty-call-and-morning-after went smoothly. Thanks to that beautiful and cool person, I gained the confidence necessary to pursue more experiences with women. I feel empowered whenever I think back to it because she helped me embrace my sexuality. I will always remember my adorable queer skater babe from Labor Day weekend until the day I die.

Contact Nadia Cho at [email protected].
Follow her on Twitter @nadiiacho.

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  • lazlodelarental

    You should have spent at least 1000 words describing the luscious, face crushing muffin munching that made you constantly crave vagina in your mouth. We need lots of detail.

  • charlestg

    You say “I constantly crave vagina in my mouth and … other things” as if specifically detailing the other things would embarass you greatly. After declaring yourself a “vagina-tarian” in the newspaper of one of the most respected and intellectual universities in existence, you should already be as embarassed as you could get. I am a devout advocate of the concept of free speech for all, but that does not mean that you should tell everybody your dirtiest stories, which is literally what you just did. It is great to be confidant in your sexuality and stand by your opinion, but this article would be better suited for a thoughtful pornography site than in the column of the newspaper of the University of California Berkeley.

  • Guest

    You say “I constantly crave vagina in my mouth and … other things” as if specifically describing the other things would embarass you greatly.

  • You Go Girl

    Very bold and brave piece, Nadia. BRAVO you!

  • Nadia Cho

    MOMMEEE DADDEEEE LOOKA ME, I’M IN COLLEGE AND I’M HAVING SEX!

    WITH GIRLS!!!

  • Allen Han

    Everyone is too harsh on Nadia. It’s a breathe of fresh air reading her article, seeing a girl comfortable and exploring, the willingness to write about it as well. I came here from a Christopher Steven’s article about him dying in Lybia. I immediately was attracted to her picture on the side to read about what she had to say. People saying how she jeopardizes her future chances of employment is doubtful, just cause she could engage in sexual tension in the work force. Would I like to meet her, yes. But solely for her intellectual ability to write from the heart.

    I’m a mid 20s asian male living in Southern California. I believe the asian women in this area are way too shy and lack expression. She really shows the boldness of how a asian woman should explore and express.

  • i h8 disqus

    What is the point of this article?

    • Stan De San Diego

      It’s narcissistic exhibitionism.

    • lazlodelarental

      To describe the sacrament of eating pussy which is God’s plan for us.

  • LOL

    I pressed the like button for this column solely because it excites me to think about her future employers’ faces when they see that Nadia Cho declared vagina-tarianism in 2012.
    LOL
    Seriously though, Sex on Tuesday is ridiculous.

  • Ghost

    Why does the header for Thought Catalog say “The Daily Californian”?

  • I_h8_disqus

    I don’t mean to be a downer to the male readers, but SOT seems to hurt the female community more than help it. Over the last year of reading these articles, I assume the female readers are getting the same points that I am getting. Drink heavily, be promiscuous, and don’t let love enter into the equation. I think the articles will do a better job of creating self hate and low self esteem than they will at making women stronger. The free love of the 70’s tried the same thing that these articles tried, and that came crashing down as women realized they were better than this. When your sex life starts to sound more like a porn, it is time to take a hard look at yourself and then go out and find someone to actually love.

    • I_luv_i_h8

      Dude/Dudette… I don’t know who you are but you are awesome. Every article that I have seen you comment on has been right on point. Not to stroke your ego, but you have a great head on your shoulders! I appreciate your level of rationality and conciseness!

  • alum


    I found that it takes much less trust for me to engage in sex with a woman because the agonizing possibility of getting pregnant is no longer there.”

    Enjoy your first VD, very hard to have “swag” with a big wart on your lip.

    • I_h8_disqus

      This is an unfortunate lesson the lesbian community is learning. Lesbian sex is not immune from sexually transmitted diseases. In fact, if readers check out lesbian health sites, they will learn that the rate of sexually transmitted diseases in the lesbian community is higher than it is for the straight female community.

  • Kevin H.

    This article is dripping with immaturity – yes props on exploring your sexuality, and I’m glad you feel more comfortable with women…. but the post is terrible. From poor writing (‘vagina-tarian’, ‘destroying lives in the bedroom’, ‘swag’, ‘homegirl’) to the questionable endorsement of alcohol to engage in sex, this post made me uncomfortable.

    But more than anything: “the notion of being used for sex by a woman didn’t bother me as much as much as it would have if she had been a man”. Sexism runs both ways – as I understood sexism, people don’t like being assigned properties of the group they belong to, instead of as individuals. Here, I feel like you’re viewing men as predators who are out to use you for sex, and somehow because your partner was a woman, things were different. You’re perpetrating the same sexual stereotypes and labels that you claim can ‘invalidate’ people.

    • adsadjh

      What kind of dude is made uncomfortable by two attractive girls engaging in some carpet-munching?

      • Nunya Beeswax

        I suppose the opposite of the sort of dude who is made uncontrollably aroused by two attractive girls, etc. etc. etc.

  • Guest

    This make me want to stop reading the Daily Californian. Only gay or lesbian people need to write about it. Really? You are going far in life.

  • Guest


    I constantly crave vagina in my mouth.” Most hilarious line ever written in the Daily Cal. SOT had to be the idea of a horny male Cal student who wasn’t getting any. The Daily Cal, helping to make the women at Cal easy and willing to do anything.

  • disqus_Ur0S4QC1TM

    You are so brave– I’m really glad you wrote this because I had a similar experience (albeit I’m sure I have a lower sex drive overall since I don’t crave vag). There’s nothing wrong with a high sex drive, low sex drive, or even no sex drive. Wheeeee, thanks <3!

    • Special Ed Jones

      You sound like a pathetic little suckup cruising for a sympathy f*ck!

  • A Fan

    Wonderful article, Nadia. I admit I cringed when it popped up on my FB news feed, because the Daily Cal’s SOT columns have been unnecessarily crass in the past, but you wrote about this experience with admirable and thoughtful honesty. Thank you for sharing!

    • Nunya Beeswax

      This article didn’t seem crass to you? C’mon, admit it, you have a crush on Nadia and you’re buttering her up.

  • Stan De San Diego

    Mom and Dad must be so proud. Ever think of keeping your sexual experiences to yourself, and not sharing them with the rest of the world?

    • You seem old.

      Why are you advising a newly hired sex columnist to stop writing about her sexual experiences? Not only that, but your presumption that her parents would be unsupportive of her sexual identity is at best old-fashioned and at worst outright misogynistic.

      • Nunya Beeswax

        Yes, because in this day and age Asian parents are always totally cool with their daughters having sex.

        • Hahaha

          So in this day and age, let’s revert to racial stereotypes as a defense instead?

  • Anonymous

    Lol. How do these writers find real jobs after their employers google them?

    • Calipenguin

      Male hiring managers won’t mind having her around at all. It’s the uptight female HR managers who will give her a hard time.

      • Stan De San Diego

        I wouldn’t have her, simply because her narcissistic desire for attention would be a disruption in the workplace. Every horny, immature adolescent in the place would be tripping over himself to carry this girl’s weight, hoping to get a freebie in the process. I saw this in the military, where some girl who couldn’t keep her legs together would exert “p***y power” over the junior enlisted. Not a good risk.

        • guest

          LOL @ columnists this semester

        • Sorry you’re not getting any.

          You read an article about lesbian sex and think about women using their sexuality as power over men. What’s wrong with you?

  • Jung

    Some time from now, this writer will wake up one morning, stumble upon her long-forgotten words “I constantly crave vagina in my mouth…”, recognize how it wasn’t nearly as avante-garde a statement as it was a transparent ‘I hate Daddy’ kinda thing, and she will cringe.

    Nothing wrong with l or g or b or t; whatever floats your boat. But using the phrase “constantly crave vagina in my mouth” — to yourself or in a national newspaper — … dude, whether from a smitten 13 year-old boy or a smitten older-than-13 year-old woman, it turns the entire thought train into something that is just plain sad. The difference is that in the latter case, it is not affection for some new-found awakening which is behind those words, it is anger. Whether such anger is aimed at a relative or elsewhere, it is there for any mature adult to see and it almost certainly will be seen as such … in time .. . by this writer as well.

    Memo to Ms. Cho: The world has been doing things like this *long* before you got here and (here’s a newsflash) we do not care. Even those who use this as a political football really don’t care; it is just an issue to them. So let your freak flag fly but ixnay the etailsda. And get a new editor who will keep you from hurting yourself further. Such is part of their job and, so far, they’re doing a lousy job of it.

    • HaterAlert

      Memo to “Jung”: You’re a pretentious asshole and (here’s a newsflash) we do not care what you have to say.

      • Stan De San Diego

        Memo to HaterAlert. You may not agree with Jung’s opinion, but at least he projects himself as a thinking adult. It’s clear he struck a nerve with you. Sounds like you have some of your own maturity issues to deal with.

  • Guest

    Keep feeding Nadia shots and let’s see what new firsts she will discover.

    • Guestie

      I had the same thought. If the Daily Cal put Nadia on the front page, it wouldn’t need our $2 a semester. Now the Daily Cal just needs a page 3 photo section like some papers in England.

      • Stan De San Diego

        I’m willing to bet most of the kiddies here have NO idea what a “Page 3 Girl” is…

      • adsadjh

        Wait, this is brilliant.

  • Taylor

    After I got out of middle school I stopped caring about labels and started living my life they way I like it. I’ve been so happy since then. I’ve met great people and I’ve had the most amazing experiences.
    Great article. Thanks for sharing your story.

  • more Cleavage

    i think your clothes are inappropriate for a SOT columnist. You should be showing more cleavage. Change the pic!

    • Guest

      uh, she’s asian, that’s all the cleavage you’re going to get

      • Calipenguin

        You should do a side-by-side comparison of Keeley Hazell with Ai Shinozaki, Priyanka Chopra, and Aki Hoshino. You’re welcome.

        • Stan De San Diego

          Don’t forget Marina Matsushima and Hitomi Tanaka. Ooki oppai, desu ne?

          • Guest

            they all have implants

          • Stan De San Diego

            Not true.

          • Guest

            Yes it is true

          • Stan De San Diego

            Not true at all, and your ignorance shows. Yes, they aren’t common, but they do exist.

          • Or just sexually frustrated?

            Really, Stan? Googling “Marina Matsushima and Hitomi Tanaka” returns the following result as #1:

            “Busty Asians – Anna Ohura, Hitomi Tanaka, Rin Kajika and More …
            busty-asians.lusoporno.com/Hitomi Tanaka, Fuko, Anna Ohura, Miki Sawaguchi, Marina Matsushima, Nege Ogawa, Miruku Aizawa, Hitomi Tanaka, Kaoru Sakurako, Fuko, Yukimi Touno …”

            The second result:

            Hitomi Tanaka – Nice ‘n’ Slippery – Video Dailymotionwww.dailymotion.com/…/xl4624_hitomi-tanaka-nice-n-slippery_sex…

            For the sake of decency I will omit the description of the second result. For someone who has a lot of negativity to throw at sexually empowered women, you seem to have a rather intimate knowledge of nudie flicks.

          • Or just sexually frustrated?

            Don’t click those links at work, BTW. But Stan would know that already.

          • Stan De San Diego

            FWIW, I used to live and work in Japan, and worked with a bunch of 20-something guys who talked like any other 20-something guys (at least straight ones who had not been completely beaten into political correctness) when they had a few beers at shacho-san’s favorite hostess bar on Fridays: cars, computers, yakyu (baseball) and sex (although a bit more modest than Ms. Cho here). Those girls have pin-up posters and other promotional material that grace a number of locations inside of male habitats, and when their assets are staring you in the face, it’s kind of hard not to notice.

      • http://pulse.yahoo.com/_WRACM77JT2RXUR3LMGDPPUGUYY Tony M

        Uh, there are some Korean gals who have plenty up top. You apparently don’t travel much, do you?

  • adsadjh
  • Calipenguin

    “When I began identifying as bisexual, I had to prove my orientation or live up to it, mostly by having sex.”
    Great column, and thank you for your honesty about bisexuality. People are not born gay or straight, they seek thrills and there’s nothing wrong with that. Just be careful of HPV, even with other girls.

    • ABC

      People ARE born with their sexual orientation. Sexuality is a very complicated issue and everyone should live it the way they feel it without being judged. There is no right or wrong.

      • I_h8_disqus

        The science doesn’t support your first point. Even the Association of Gay and Lesbian Psychiatrists say the science doesn’t show that orientation is something you are born with. Instead of focusing on how you became gay, just live how you want.

      • Calipenguin

        When you state unequivocally that people are born with their sexual orientation, you are judging them already. Are they straight? Are they gay? Can they never change? Nadia was heterosexual, she is bisexual now, and she may become a happy monogamous heterosexual when she marries a handsome Korean surgeon from USC. She’s learning not to worry about labels and you should too.

      • Voice of Truth

        Human sexuality is mutable, far from binary, and depends on situation more than orientation. Nobody is “heterosexual” or “homosexual”–those are just prefab identities that we slap on ourselves so we can pretend we know who we are. People are, simply, sexual.

  • Nunya Beeswax

    COOL STORY BRO

  • Horny

    lol have you tried anal sex like Kia did for the first time after she got drunk and horny?

    • Guest

      For new readers, Kia was the Sex on Tuesday (SOT) columnist last year.

      The article Horny’s referring to is called “Sober isn’t always better”: “I love drunk sex. It’s true — no matter how cliche this probably already sounds.”

      Link: http://www.dailycal.org/2012/03/20/sober-isnt-always-better/

      Quote from Kia’s article:

      The first blowjob I actually enjoyed was accomplished while tipsy
      (though I should mention that the booze was only part of what made it
      enjoyable). My first anal experience happened during, you guessed it,
      some alcohol-fueled sex.

      And the list of drunken silliness, adventures and firsts goes on —
      get­ting oral on a desk, having sex in a frat’s chapter room, study room
      and on the roof, accepting the challenge of a giant dude with a giant
      dick (I’m pretty short and small), my first onenight stand (although I
      doubt drinks were necessary to get me to snag that Icelandic hottie) and
      much more!

      • Guestie

        It is interesting that the female writers all do their sexual exploring while tanked.

        • http://pulse.yahoo.com/_WRACM77JT2RXUR3LMGDPPUGUYY Tony M

          Sex with drunk women sucks.

      • Rachel Sutton

        A person cannot consent to sex while intoxicated, whether on drugs, alcohol, or another mind-altering substance. In fact, depending on the circumstances, a rape charge could potentially be involved.

  • GGG

    Good article but i want some pics of u and that “adorable queer skater babe.” Pretty please? :)

    • lesbian porn is delicious

      Yea lesbian porn makes me super horny.