From Gay Talese to Paul Lukas, sports and fashion have a long, intertwined history. Naturally, I’m just another sportswriter with a vested interest in the sartorial art itself. There’s just nothing like wearing a crisp, tailored suit everywhere you go, from your Monday 8 a.m. discussion to the weekly run to the Berkeley Bowl.
So when I tuned in yesterday for the Cal men’s basketball game against UCLA, I expected nothing spectacular fashionwise. Snuggled under my shawl-collar cardigan with my glass of rose at hand, I scanned and judged each Cal player’s fashion choices. The minimalist white jersey — check. Those extra baggy shorts — check minus. White socks — just ew. Basketball sho — wait, what is that?
Seriously, what is that on their feet?
Apparently, Cal was one of the four schools selected by AIR JORDAN to don its new AIR JORDAN XX8 sneakers on Thursday. The shoe, according to a Cal Athletics press release, has a “ultra-modern stealth design for elite performance” with a Jordan Flight Plate that “maximizes the responsiveness of the Nike Zoom units,” a Dynamic Fit technology that “uses internal straps to wrap up from the midsole and integrate with the laces for lightweight support” and a “high-performance, stretch-synthetic shroud.” Whatever all that means.
Rather than all this footie-science mumbo-jumbo, my sentiments regarding the shoes lie closer to the tweet of my colleague Jordan Bach-Lombardo: “they look like what would happen if Uggs and a shark skin swimsuit had a baby.”
Basketball shoes are already in a very weird class of footwear, but this might be one of the most bizarre shoes I’ve ever seen. First and foremost, the color and the fabric of the shoe. It’s the most eye-catching and, depending on your taste, the most egregious part of the shoe. How many sharks, whales or whatever large marine animals did it take to patch one pair? Did they also douse the shoe with blue Gatorade for the final touch?
The other aspects are less painful. The choice for a zipper instead of shoelaces depends on your fashion taste — if you are into futuristic fashion (I am not), then this will be a neat decision. The unstitched cut at the ankle looks like the shoe designers gave up halfway through.
Unfortunately for my sartorial half, the Bears kicked ass with those shoes on, defeating the Bruins by 13 points. Now there will be people defending those shoes for superstitious reasons — “We got to keep those shoes for Cal to continue winning!” Pffff, please. Those humpback whale-esque shoes had as much to do with Cal shellacking UCLA as the white football helmets did with handing losses to Cal football at every one of its appearances.
But hey, the Bears were shooting lights out all night long. Maybe the shoes provided some elevation with their lightweight-dynamo-synthesis technology. Or it could just be whale blubber.
Contact Seung Y. Lee at [email protected]