The price of porn culture

Sex on Tuesday

Elisabeth-Bahadori_online

America loves porn. Fact: every second, more than 28,000 Internet users are watching porn. That means that in the time it took you to read this sentence, a bunch of them probably came. Lovely. Now, I’m not here to shame porn. It can be incredibly sexy and liberating. The problem is when it isn’t liberating and actually diminishes the quality of sex.

Imagine you decide to take a boxing class. Unfortunately, this class involves being punched in the face. The first few times, it hurts like hell, and your teeth start aching and you swear to never go back. But go back you do, and as you practice, each punch begins to hurt less. You eventually get desensitized, and a hit that floors you on day one won’t even make you blink on day 30.

This is fantastic if you’ve decided to become a professional boxer, but this same desensitization happens when you’re constantly exposed to porn. America typically watches porn that includes lots of rough sex, choking blow jobs and million-dollar cumshots.

It’s no surprise that media influences our perceptions of the world. When you constantly watch porn, you begin to expect porn in the bedroom. Guys: watching porn too often can actually make it harder for you to get hard and orgasm. In fact, it’s so common that it has its own name: porn-induced erectile dysfunction. Not only that, but you can be missing out on possibly the best orgasm of your life because your brain no longer responds to a lighter touch. Ladies: Watching porn too often can lead to false expectations about your own performance.

Most porn portrays women as going from zero to 60 in eight minutes or less and having earth-shattering orgasms from sex. Let’s clear something up: It takes women longer than men to get aroused — in fact, most women take at least 20 minutes to climax. Most women have difficulty coming from sex alone and require some manual or oral stimulation. Porn can also put pressure on women to fake it in bed — not good.

I haven’t brought this all up to scare you into never watching porn again — as I previously stated, porn can be awesome. Instead, I challenge you to give your sex life a boost. Don’t watch porn for an entire month. During this month, focus on sensuality instead of sexuality. If that sounds boring to you, you have no idea what kind of pleasure you’re in for. The following is best done with a partner so you can focus as much as possible, but you can do a simpler version if you’re flying solo too.

Put the figurative boxing gloves down. Grab a partner. Strip them naked and have them lie down in a bed. It’s important to remove as many unnecessary distractions as possible — even entire sensory inputs, like sight. Cover their eyes with a tie or scarf. If you’re really fancy, make them wear earplugs. Just by cutting off sight and sound, their body will already be more sensitive. Now grab something light and soft, preferably a feather.

Begin by devoting some time to often-neglected spots like the ears, armpits, inner elbows and feet. Trail the feather or lightly blow along their limbs, tracing patterns. Watch their skin burst into goose bumps. Revel in the tiny hairs that stand to your attention. When in doubt, be gentle, go slow and tease them. Let their body wake up in your hands. Nibble on their ears, plant tiny kisses on their pelvis, go down on them (gently, slowly! No bobbing for figurative apples!).

Don’t do any one thing for too long. Every move should be a surprise, especially since they can’t see where you’ll touch them next. You’ll know you’re doing it right when they buck their hips up toward you, when a whimper escapes their lips because they just want more. Don’t give it to them just yet.

The fun is in the longing. Pleasure them with your fingers and mouth, taking frequent breaks to tease elsewhere. If they come, cool. If they don’t, cool. Don’t force it, and whatever you do, do not go fast and hard. It completely undoes all the work of getting them in this sensitive, seductive place. Switch places. Repeat. Lie back and enjoy. Have sex if you want. Go slow. Don’t worry about the orgasm.

This isn’t about the end goal but rather the tantalizing journey there. You might be frustrated if you don’t climax or if you just want to resort to the tried-and-true method. But if you keep doing this, keep approaching your sex life with a gentler touch, I promise a feather, some cool air and a teasing tongue will turn you on more than any of that Dirty Sluts XXX stuff.

Contact Elisabeth Bahadori at [email protected] or follow her on Twitter: @lisabaha.

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  • GodsChick

    No, it’s not liberating our men. It’s making them impotent.