An ode to Kip’s

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Derek Remsburg/Senior Staff

Wherever Kip is, whoever Kip is, he should count his lucky stars. Kip’s has to be one of the most successful bars that has no stall door in one of its men’s restrooms. Frat boys can be seen playing beer pong in their natural habitat on one side of the room, while the more extroverted Karaoke-goers sing “Say Your Name” and “Ignition” across the bar while holding back their throw-up.

You may rightfully ask yourself, why do people subject themselves to this madness?

Location
Positioned on Southside, Kip’s faces little competition. Pappy’s is the only other option nearby that stays open until 2 a.m., but Pappy’s resembles some sort of confused bar-club hybrid that has no chance of overthrowing Kip’s control over the Durant and Telegraph area. Because of this geographical duopoly, Kip’s still brings in hoards of sweaty seniors and, with them, their business and lack of tips.

Cheapish drinks
Those who have done their research know that Kip’s cannot compete with the low prices of The Graduate up on College Avenue, but it’s obviously still on the cheap side. Jim Beam shots are $3, and you can get a variety of mixed drinks for just a bit more. They also have a wheel you can spin for $5 that adds a Vegas dimension to the Kip’s experience by choosing your drink for you. I recommend you take that leap. If you want to have an existential crisis, buy a Patron shot. Your senses will be wildly confused and out of sync.

The crowd
For whatever reason, at Kip’s o’ clock, the whole world bows its head and zombie-walks over to Telegraph and Durant avenues. You may wonder when exactly Kip’s o’ clock is , but if you look inside your heart, you will find the answer. If you want to run into your semifriends from freshmen year or maybe even a confused GSI who found Kip’s on Yelp, then you have come to the right place. The number of people you can run into during one soiree at Kip’s makes it a place to reminisce about your college memories and rekindle old friendships. Simply put, the crowd is Kip’s saving grace. Also, try to stay away from people older than 30 because they are scary if they hang out there.

Yes, the dull plastic tables could kill an interior decorator, the food could send Emeril into shock, and the limited beer selection could make connoisseurs cry. But the crowd, the cheap prices and the location make Kip’s a successful recipe for a college bar. As much as I hate to say it: It’s Kip’s o’ clock. Go Bears.

Contact Noah Ickowitz at [email protected].

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