As I write this, my friend Evelyn and I are supposed to be studying political science. But grammar nerds never rest, so Congress will just have to put its problems on hold while I address a more local issue. (From what I have heard about Congress, though, I don’t think this will make much of a difference.)
The issue at hand is as follows. I was idly thumbing through my reader, pretending to care about Barney Frank, when someone said to his friend on the phone, “Yeah, just call slash text me when you get here.”
No. In a word, no. I think I can feel my soul dying just a little bit when I hear statements like this. Obviously, I understand what this is supposed to mean. “Yeah, just call or text me when you get here.” But when did “slash” start meaning “or”? The answer is never. And just think for a moment: Which is easier to say, “slash” or “or”?
As is my wont, here are a few alternate potential meanings of this guy’s statement, with some musings as to their context.
“Yeah, just call Slash. Text me when you get here.” Slash is, of course, the local shady guy from whom one purchases shady goods.
“Yeah, just call — Slash (the) text! — me when you get here.” The text has wronged him and needs to be punished.
As with the intent behind his original statement, I don’t understand. I don’t understand at all.
I concede that as the times change, so does our usage of words. In fact, our understanding of words and their meaning changes too. Therefore, I’m completely fine with someone saying he needs to write an essay and miming typing with his hands. But this situation, and those like it, bothers me so much because the word change doesn’t even contribute to our convenience or the scope of the English language.
And the use of “Internet-speak,” as I call it, is on the rise. Evelyn just admitted to saying quite often, “I J K.” Yes, dear. And that is followed by L-M-N-O-P. I suppose this is why I am the English major.
This boils down quite predictably to fear for my beloved English language. With the way it is transforming, I have to echo the sentiments of the middle-school girl Evelyn mentors: “Just Kik me.” You might as well.