UC Berkeley admits only one student to the class of 2017 due to ‘budget cuts’

ucb
Hailey Simpson/Staff

Last Thursday, UC Berkeley released admission decisions to about 50,000 eager applicants. However, Facebook was not filled with the normal ratio of acceptance to rejection statuses. In fact, many puzzled and frustrated people were left thinking, “Was anyone even admitted at all?” This is due to Berkeley admitting only one applicant from the Class of 2017 pool, as opposed to the normal 22 percent.

What led to this drastic decision?

“Budget cuts,” an anonymous admissions director admitted. “We’ve received so many angry calls from the parents of rejected applicants, but we can only tell them that it’s not our fault. How could they even begin to think that we have anything to do with this? Blame the California budget instead. It’s not like we have any lobbyists in Sacramento fighting for our interests.”

Many hopes of prospective members of the Class of 2017 were puzzled by this news, and some succumbed to picking their backup school UCLA, in which many of the rejected applicants got accepted. One rejected student says, “I was just so surprised that everyone was getting into UCLA and not Berkeley. And then getting into Cambridge. And Stanford. And Harvard. I just knew something was up.”

An academic counselor has advice for the rejected students: “Don’t fret over this rejection,” she said. “Just know that you probably would have gotten in if we weren’t on the verge of being broke. It’s the thought that counts, right?”

How will this decision affect the lone student, if she decides to attend at all? Administrators say that this Class of 2017 (of one) will surely be a superstar. “They’ll get to brag about this to all their friends and those 49,999 other applicants,” says an administrator who wishes to remain anonymous. “And what a resume booster, am I right? This kid is going to have quite a future ahead of them.”

Administrators hope that this experiment will save the school enough money during the year so that they can go back to accepting the normal number of applicants for the Class of 2018, but if this plan doesn’t work its course of action in a year, they have no hesitations to continuing the policy for as long as they can. They remark, “Who doesn’t like a cozy university?”

Learn more about the 2017 admissions decisions and policies here.

What do you think? Oh, and the Clog staff would like to say “Happy April Fools’ Day!” to all those reading this!

 

Contact Hailey Simpson at [email protected] or follow her on Twitter at @hailey117.

Please keep our community civil. Comments should remain on topic and be respectful.
Read our full comment policy