Field trips may have been fun at one point in our lives. Now they’re just trips to Doe to check out how the incomprehensible cataloging system operates, or they’re light walks to the Campanile to admire some structural aspect of the singing bell tower — boring enough that you wish someone would just shoot you. Well, don’t say that out loud, because apparently these kinds of stray wishes are actually getting people hurt. Following last year’s Wisconsin arrow-to-the-back, the Lawrence Hall of Science played host to victim Nadine Hairston last week. Over break, the Daily Cal reported on an innocent 8-year-old who was hit in the leg with a two-foot long crossbow arrow — an arrow that could have rivaled her height — while coming down a slide in an apparent scene from a horror movie.
She was scheduled to return to her normal schooling pace just a couple days after the incident, possibly a miracle sparked by the use of Taylor Swift songs during her ride to the hospital, with songs like “Red” and “I Knew You Were Trouble” probably among the mix. Apparently this news has reached the pop princess — oh let’s face it, she’s not country anymore — who has decided to send Nadine a mystery package. Following Swift’s spiteful rebuke to Amy Poehler and Tina Fey’s love-life joke at the Golden Globes, Swift appears to be avoiding “her special place in hell” by helping out a girl in need. Hopefully Nadine will let Taylor finish giving her the gift before fainting in excitement, as the former reportedly has no idea as to the contents of the latter’s gift.
As in such trying moments, the young one delivered a great philosophical outlook on life — presumably while she was still on drugs from the surgery. Some quotable tidbits — which Nadine went through as fast as Swift goes through boyfriends — included “it’s like a dream,” “it’s weird because it usually never happens” and “I don’t know if they were aiming for me or the whale.” The culprit, who may well be a cold-blooded assassin a la Hawkeye as well as an accidental shooter — albeit one with a lack of deadeye aim — has not been discovered yet.
The Internet community also came together under the hashtag #braveNadine, which is how Nadine’s favorite singer learned of the incident. In the aftermath, the rest of us can only hope that Nadine is a little “Better Than Revenge.”