Trouble in your love life? Need some anonymous guidance to navigate the turbulent tide? Simply write out your problem in a bathroom stall of your choosing and by the next day you’ll have plenty of responses — some helpful, some judgmental. And, while Berkeley is home to many up-and-coming Dr. Phils, I’m much more interested in how the bathroom wall would feel about these problems, not other restroom users. If walls were living creatures with intelligence and self-awareness, they would be chatty fellas with shrewd suggestions. They have seen a lot, after all.
So, for the first and last time ever, I’m turning this blog into an advice column, written from the perspective of a wall. The following two pieces of graffiti were found in the women’s restroom of Hildebrand library.
“Do all long-distance relationships have to have a dead line? Being close soon is not an option but I’m in love and I never want to let go.”
Dear Distanced,
No, they do not all have a deadline. As painful as it is to be geographically separated from someone you care about, you can use this time apart to make your relationship even more healthy and dynamic. Make your communication personal by writing each other letters and speaking on the phone because instant messaging and texting lack the human touch after overuse. Keep yourself busy with activities you enjoy. Surround yourself with friends to keep you company. Remember, too, that although you might never see yourself letting go, time has the funny habit of changing hearts and minds. In my four walls, I’ve seen people let go of many things. For now, check out this inspirational list of famous long-distance relationships. Stay strong, stay sturdy.
-Wall
“In my 20 years life I have had a crush on 3 people. But I didn’t show it. Why? Because they’re all girl/woman….. or it’s only friendship?”
Dear Crusher,
It is perfectly natural to admire someone without acting on it. As long as a crush does not become a limerent obsession that eats away at you, it is completely healthy to like someone and not make a move. It is also perfectly natural to have relatively few romantic interests in life.
But let’s get something straight: It is not natural or healthy to repress your emotions based on sexual orientation. It sounds from your graffitied blurb that you might be questioning your sexuality, which almost everyone does at some point. While there is the slight chance you could be mistaking feelings of friendship or admiration as attraction, never doubt your feelings. If it feels like a crush, walks like a crush and talks like a crush, it’s probably a crush. And that is awesome. Go you! Head over to the Gender Equity Resource Center if you ever need counseling services or just want to learn about the LGBT community.
But liking another woman is not grounds to not “show it.” Sure, flirting with someone of the same sex and assessing reciprocation can be awkward at times, but the worst that could happen is that she is not interested. And rejection by someone of the same sex is no different than rejection by someone of the opposite sex. If the person you’re into is uncomfortable that you like her because you are a woman, then she does not deserve your time in the first place.
-Wall
Contact Kimberly Veklerov at [email protected] or follow her on Twitter: @kveklerov.