Unless you had a deprived childhood, you must be familiar with cereal marshmallows. Some of you may not have thought about these small, crisp, pastel morsels of joy in a decade or more. Others may recognize these dehydrated puffs as an entire food group, which allow you to subsist when all other options fail you in the dining halls. Either way, we can all agree that cereal marshmallows, found in Lucky Charms or Swiss Miss Hot Cocoa, are a scientific revelation that uniquely color the American diet.
I sympathize with those of you who sift through bags and bags of Lucky Charms to painstakingly remove all of the hearts, stars, horseshoes, clovers and blue moons. Even worse, what is one to do when traveling abroad and cereal marshmallows are nowhere to be found?
Look no further than Cereal Marshmallows, a website devoted entirely to selling, well, cereal marshmallows. Whether mega-sized 95-pound bags are your thing or if you prefer individual 7-ounce packages, this website will satisfy your sweet tooth. And, if you’re counting those carbs and trying to slim down for spring break, coming soon are 100-calorie single serving bags that will practically melt the fat away.
The story of the website is really quite touching. Nathan Wratislaw, a connoisseur and epicurean of cereal marshmallows, searched far and wide to attain these little gems — but to no avail. However, after contacting several wholesale distributors and tasting second-rate “soft, yucky, marshmallows,” he finally struck gold and ordered 10,000 pounds of the creme de la creme of cereal marshmallows. Lucky for you, he portions the marshmallows into user-friendly packages that you can order and have delivered right to the comfort of your own dorm, apartment or home.
The website not only allows you to buy mass quantities of air disguised as small, sugary and colorful bites, but it is also a great source of culinary knowledge for expanding your palate and use of cereal marshmallows. Who knew these little delights could be used to create cereal marshmallow brownies, or even cereal marshmallow mac and cheese?
Bored of Lucky Charms? The website’s creator provides more than 15 videos of himself eating cereal marshmallows in all kinds of cereals, from Shredded Wheat to Cookie Crisp — complete with commentary, ratings on a scale from one to 10 and very audible chewing. With this plethora of options, you’ll certainly want to consider joining the Frequent Buyers Club, in which you can “Qualify for a lot of Discounts and Specials and a FREE Birthday Gift!!”
For those of you that have been searching far and wide to satisfy your addiction for crisp, artificially-colored, rehydratable goodness, order your very own stash today. From what I hear, they’re magically delicious.
Contact Erika Chan at email@example.com.