With UC Berkeley semesterly tuition and fees set around $4,792 for California residents and $18,931 for non-Californians, money is tight. And these numbers don’t account for overpriced housing, food or textbooks. But what if I told you that there may be someone out there who is willing to help pay for your expenses, little to no strings attached? That’s right, I’m talking about sugar parents.
So what exactly are sugar arrangements? Couples are typically put together online on sites like seekingarrangement.com and sugardaddie.com. The “baby” is usually the younger partner and the “parent” the older. Sex is not necessarily put into the equation, but definitely can be. Sugar parents tend to give their baby an allowance, gifts or other goods on a timely basis.
While the possibility of being showered by gifts and money sounds ideal, I have noticed an unfortunate association between sugar couples and prostitution. But this is the hardly the case.
I have a few friends who either were, are or want to be in sugar arrangements. When I first learned about my friends wanting sugar parents, I feared that they would be put in uncomfortable situations. A general misconception of such arrangements is that the babies are forced into doing things they may not willingly choose to do. But my sugar baby friends have only told me of wonderful, consensual experiences. I’m not saying that the opposite never happens, but generally, the nature of a sugar arrangement isn’t a forceful one: Sugar babies and parents both provide a symbiotic exchange, whether based on money or companionship.
I’ve spoken with my sugar baby friends about the distinction between prostitution and sugar babies. Many of them reinforced that even prostitution, under consensual circumstances from all parties, should be a respected and consensual profession. The same goes for sugar arrangements. As long as all parties are in exchange of something during the relationship, a relationship is a relationship.
Prostitution doesn’t refer to only one type of sex work, so it is illogical to make a direct connection between sugar babies and prostitution. The issues are much more complicated than just sex-for-pay. Sugar relationships are continuing exchanges between people; prostitution is typically not continuous nor a mutual exchange.
Now let’s examine the media’s take on sugar couple culture. Website Sfist says that Berkeley students whoring themselves is “haunting” their futures. Interesting. So if a student chooses to engage in such a relationship, it is now considered “whoring.” Problematic whore-calling aside, this article is important in that Sfist calls attention to the changing times of how society defines a relationship. Relationships are no longer strictly the traditional, “true love” style couples, but now sometimes driven by money. But guess what? Marriage can also be driven by money. When critiquing sugar couples, prostitution and marriage, be sure to reexamine what a relationship means, because there are more similarities between the three than one may think.
I wouldn’t shut off your options to looking for sugar parents, as long as you aren’t looking at it for an income. Be sure to make things consensual, and be communicative with your sugar parent(s) to make sure all parties know details of your comfort.
Image Source: bdsmith84 via Creative Commons
Contact Matthew Kirschenbaum at [email protected] or follow him on Twitter: @mpkirschenbaum.