This summer in Berkeley — like any summer in Berkeley — a slew of campus buildings will undergo renovation, retrofitting and construction. With fewer students on campus, these three months are an opportune time for Capital Projects, UC Berkeley’s construction management team, to complete many tasks that would otherwise impede the daily flow of activities during the academic year. Almost all of Lower Sproul will be inaccessible in just a few weeks. Pedestrian pathways will be erected to circumvent construction sites. Ugly equipment all over campus will obstruct views that would have otherwise been bathed in beautiful, golden sunlight. Nonetheless, temporary unsightliness and inconvenience are necessary for the ultimate goal: campus improvement.
But this column is not about the pros and cons of infrastructural projects. It’s about personal construction — self-improvement. In the tradition of German philosophy, there is an idea of soul-searching and maturation that is referred to as Bildung. Inherent to Bildung is personal transformation. On an abstract level, this means cultivating selfhood — unfolding the manifold possibilities of identity.
You see, there is no better time than summertime to revamp your personality, mental outlook and skills. Forget spring. Renewal and growth are best suited for the long days of summer. The months between May and August are always slightly off-kilter from the rest of the year. Friends you might normally see every day are absent. Maybe living back at home feels strange. Maybe staying on campus feels even stranger. The heat in the air slows every moment, making you move sluggishly throughout the day. There are fewer obligations, fewer stresses, more tan lines. These mellow few months are thus the perfect time for some metaphoric construction.
Self-development is a never-ending process because no one is ever completely happy with who they are. The school year inhibits this process, sometimes delaying it for months. Academics hinder self-cultivation with projects and assignments and midterms, which force the process to go in a specific, predetermined direction.
Here is where self-construction comes into play. Those aspects of your personality that you find distasteful? Bulldoze them. Schedule the demolition for today. The passions that lie deep inside you? Lift them to the surface with a crane. Add layers. Add levels. Strip away the parts that no longer serve you. Become the edifice you have always wanted to be. And because this is a personal project, obviously, no trespassers are allowed. Spend some time alone each day to analyze what requires development. Work sites are never pretty, but the displeasing sight will be worth it in the end.
Construction must be done authentically. It is not enough to simply give the illusion of renovation for others to see. Poor workmanship will inevitably crumble as soon as you are shaken. And just as upgrading a building requires digging deep into its electric circuitry, delving into yourself requires a careful examination of your own mental wiring.
This self-examination process was one that I experienced myself a few summers ago as a high school student taking classes at UC Berkeley. It was a weird summer. Between not knowing anyone and being in strange Berkeleyland, I had a lot of time on my hands to explore the area and explore myself. At some point during those few months, I started understanding more about my identity. There is almost nothing more confusing than figuring out you are not the person you think you are. For the longest time, I had identified as straight. With a bit of introspection, I realized that my sexuality was far from hetero. This conclusion was not a result of me staring up at a majestic construction site. Neither was it one realized without denial, sadness and frustration. I didn’t figure out my whole identity that summer. I didn’t come close and probably never will. What I did gain, however, was the smallest semblance of self-awareness.
German philosophers thought that Bildung was all about self-education — reading books and engaging in intellectual conversations. I love those things. But cultivating selfhood contains another angle altogether: removal, relaxation and reflection. Discoveries about yourself are not usually made in the midst of activities or socializing but on a tranquil summer walk or just as you fall asleep for a midday nap. There’s no guarantee that you will realize your true sexuality like I did, but there’s a good chance you might learn more about yourself along the way.
Forgive my countless construction metaphors, but the parallels between humans and buildings are too great to ignore. Take façades, for example. A building’s pretty exterior indicates nothing about its interior strength, just as a person’s façade is irrelevant to her character. Like buildings, we require periodic reconstruction and re-examination. In the same way that a building quivers during an earthquake, we are prone to tremble under life-shaking circumstances. The key to not collapsing from it all is by building up your Bildung. With a steady internal structure, you can withstand anything.
Contact Kimberly Veklerov at [email protected].