Brooklyn native Anthony Weiner has been making some scandalous headlines. The rather frisky politician can’t seem to hold back his enthusiasm for possibly becoming New York City’s next mayor and also can’t seem to keep it in his pants. Depending on whether his sexual activities would affect your vote if you were a New York resident, we would just like to thank Mr. Weiner for taking one for the team. So listen up, boys. Here are a few lessons you should learn from Weiner’s mistakes:
1. If your last name is “Weiner,” you’re pretty much already screwed. Sad and slightly true. Even if it’s not actually pronounced like what you’re all thinking of.
2. If you’re trying to come up with a cool screen name, “Carlos Danger” is NOT the answer. With an incredible lack of creativity, this name has a very creepy ring to it. Adding “Danger” to any part of your name quite simply makes you sound like a loser. (But on an aside, many hilarious things have come from this.)
3. If your honey forgave you the first time, expect her to forgive you the next time. And then slap yourself and realize that very few significant others would allow you to do that shit again. Once you’ve crossed into Weiner frontier, believe that he or she could very well be keeping you around for some sort of career or academic benefit at that point.
4. Do you have skeletons in the closet? If you’re choosing to pursue a political career, realize that your opponents can bring back anything from the dead.
5. Would you like to be a leader of a majority of people who do not like you? Trust us when we say that is going to be very tough.
6. Can’t respect women? You’re better off just masturbating.
Career ambition is awesome — nothing less is expected from a Berkeley student — but having respect for women and their own careers and academic goals is also important. You can only go so far if you’re a disrespectful jerk. Remember that whoever told you to think with your penis and not with your mind will probably always be a lonely douchebag.
What annoyed you the most about the Anthony Weiner scandal? Share with us in the comments!
Image Source: Wikimedia Commons, under the public domain
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