Earlier this summer, my friend from home in Houston, Nina, brought me to her college town, a big city down south. After a couple of nights of going out downtown, we met up with some friends we knew from high school and some of their friends whom we had never met before.
Nina and I invited everyone onto the bus that took us all downtown. Our new acquaintance Anna, a sweet strawberry blonde with the most captivating hazel eyes, sat next to Nina and me. Our other friend, Will, a tall, athletic soccer player with olive skin and honey-glazed hair, was on the other side of the bus talking to three girls of Asian descent.
Nina, Anna and I observed their interaction. The three girls were sitting, laughing and exchanging glances that suggested some inside jokes while Will stood in front of them, talking and holding onto the railings above him to keep him stable while the bus drove along the bumpy roads.
“Oh my God. Look at Will,” Anna said to Nina and me as she rolled her eyes.
“Get it, Will!” Nina yelled across the bus.
Will looked at us and smirked. He turned back around and continued playing.
Anna laughed out loud and directed her round, hazel eyeballs toward me. “No offense, girl,” she said to me, “but Asian girls love that white meat.” She and Nina laughed. So did I.
Anyway, we went on with our night, went out, had a good time. I didn’t think anything of her comment until about a month later — specifically, right now. Did I take offense to it as a Vietnamese American female? Not necessarily. Was it an ignorant comment? Probably. Was I going to say anything? No.
But the more I let it dance around in my mind, the more it bothered me. “Asian girls love that white meat.” Of course, her comment wasn’t true. It was just a generalization. I mean, in some cases, it’s “true.” Some straight girls of Asian descent may prefer to date white men (who, by the way, are not pieces of “meat”). But many prefer to date Asian men. Or black men. Or Pakistani men. Or Brazilian men. Or Italian men. But why does it matter what personal preference someone has? And was it Anna’s comment that was ignorant, or was it stupid of me for thinking anything of her comment at all? I know I was overanalyzing it, and I know she didn’t mean anything by it, but why was it bothering me so much?
After spending 18 years of my life in Texas and then moving to Berkeley, I definitely felt a difference in values and beliefs. I grew up in Houston, which itself is a melting pot, and was fortunate enough to be surrounded by a diverse group of people with diverse ideas. As I grew up, however, there definitely were people — obviously not all of them, but there were some — who had beliefs and ideas that contrasted very much with the ideas of many (but not all) of the people I’ve met in Berkeley. This led me to ask myself, just hypothetically, would I meet someone in Berkeley who would say what Anna said to me?
My answer to my own question was “yes.” Just because I moved from Texas to Berkeley did not mean that every person I met in Berkeley was going to have a different outlook on life from those I know from home. Assuming that people in “conservative ol’ Texas” would say something of that nature rather than people in “hippie, granola California” would be ignorant of me and stereotypical in the same way the original comment Anna made bothered me.
With this in mind, I was left with many questions. I still am. How are we supposed to feel about these stereotypes and generalizations, especially when they are directly related to our own identities? Are we supposed to speak up? Are we supposed to understand that they are harmless jokes? And if we are to speak up, how do we avoid being that douchebag on the party bus who starts an argument for “trivial” reasons? And if we don’t speak up, are we disgraces to our own identities and those who share qualities with us?
I understand generalizations such as these are harmless and usually are not presented with bad intentions. Do they still bother me on occasion? Yes. And I recognize that there is nothing wrong with that, either.
I avoid generalizing in my own writing and in everyday conversations for the reasons I just provided, but I like to remind myself these comments are not usually rooted in hate or desire to spark any kind of confrontation.
It is still fascinating to me that such a little, insignificant comment can trigger so many questions. And although I’ve at least attempted to answer some of these questions for myself, there are many that remain unanswered.
“Off the Beat” guest columns will be written by Daily Cal staff members until the fall semester’s regular opinion writers are selected.