Dildo’s and dildon’ts

Sex on Tuesday

Vi-Nguyen-online

It’s midterm season. For those in need of stress relief or a mental boost, sex is a healthy and natural way to boost your endorphins and dopamine levels — and it’s a great way to procrastinate.

This article will be a mass of sex tips gathered from experiences of others and myself to inspire your ailing, fatigued brain, although I hope it’ll be more useful and less binary than Cosmo’s mold of often eyebrow-raising recommendations. When you get down to it, whatever makes you and your partner(s) happy is a-OK so long you’re also practicing safer sex and consent. Still, whether these tips are old news to you or not, I hope they whet your appetite. And so, without further ado, some dildo’s and dildon’ts:

1. If you have a lady friend and are going down on her, DilDO make a feedback loop! Tell her that if she likes what you’re doing, she should stroke or tug your hair. It’s deliciously sultry and a good way to communicate when to keep going when you really should be. Or, from Reddit user theglistener: “have her lick/suck your finger the way she wants you to do it to her, an insanely fun little trick.”

2. DilDO the “reach-around”  for male-bodied individuals. You don’t hear much about the male G-spot, but it’s essentially the prostate. The easiest point of access to the male G-spot is through the rectum; it’s a walnut-shaped bump about two inches in. For those squeamish about this, you can try it after showering, in a warm relaxing bathtub or after an enema. There usually isn’t any noticeable poop up there, anyway.

If it’s your first time exploring down there, make sure you’re relaxed, turned on and have lube on hand (saliva can work, too). From there, it’s up to you. It might take some time for you to figure out what works for you. Some dudes like a gentle kind of probing, while others like a hardcore press. The prostate is a game-changer for a lot of male-bodied folk. A friend of mine loves it when his partner gets in there right before he orgasms; he says it amplifies the sensation like no other.

And for the adamantly heterosexual guys: As Reddit user (you can tell what I’ve been doing during midterm season) bettlespaghetti summarized, “sensation does not equal orientation.”

3. DilDON’T do surprise anal. I know you didn’t confuse my anus for my vagina! Many women and men don’t like being surprised in this way, and not everyone likes anal. Ask first before you royally piss off your partner.

4. DilDO switch condoms when switching between orifices or partners. In other words, grab a new glove if going from ass-to-vagina or ass-to-mouth; in group-sex situations, use protection every time you switch partners. Even when the sex isn’t penetrative, use adequate protection such as dental dams for oral sex or rimming.

5. For female bodies, dilDO get a vibrator. Confession: This was my game-changer. I learned how to get comfortable enough with myself to orgasm with my first vibrator. They’re great for solo sex and to incorporate with your partner(s). There are some cheap ones online, but if you’re strapped for cash, you can easily make a makeshift dildo and stimulate manually. A lady friend of mine suggests using the base of those colorful and somewhat wider Venus Intuition razors. You usually throw them away when the moisture strip runs out — but why not reduce, reuse and recycle? Get creative; you can use quite a few household objects, but remember to slip a condom over whatever you choose to use for hygienic purposes.

6. DilDON’T use a frozen banana as a dildo. A friend of mine told me about this unfortunate incident. The frozen banana began to break up after some use, and fishing banana bits out of a vagina or anal canal is as unsexy as it sounds.

7. DilDON’T do penetrative sex in pools or hot tubs. I don’t know how many of you have access to either of these or sneak into Strawberry Canyon for nefarious purposes, but water has bad bacteria that you don’t really want climbing up your orifices. For ladies, chlorine can upset your pH balance up there, possibly leading to a yeast infection. And water isn’t a lubricant — for women, it washes away the natural lubricant your vagina produces, leading to chafing.

8. DilDO use protection during lady-on-lady action. Most don’t think about this, but lady friends, you can still give and get most STIs via bodily fluid exchange. Dental dams aren’t particularly popular in most circles, but they’re kind of like the emergent condom — we can make them socially groovy and erotic, and they don’t need to detract from your experience. Stick some water-based lube on the side your partner will be on to make it more comfortable and keep it in place.

9. DilDO aural oral stimulation. Lick that ear, suck on it. A quick way to get things steamy, and it’s pretty easy to do, to boot.

10. DilDO BDSM-lite. Grab a tie or scarf and blindfold your partner, or yourself, to titillate the remaining senses in a delicious way; the suspense of not knowing where the next touch will fall is half the fun. Or tie up your partner (possibly even to a bedpost) for an exercise in salacious power play.

Vi Nguyen writes the weekly Sex on Tuesday column. You can contact her at [email protected] or follow her on Twitter: @yonictonic.