7 a.m. – Oski awakes from hibernation to the sound of his music alarm clock playing “Make Way for the Bear.” He shuffles to the bathroom to arrange his hair into its signature Paderewski style with a tidy middle part. Luckily, picking out an outfit takes very little time, as Oski only owns two articles of clothing: his yellow Cal button-up sweater and tapered blue balloon pants.
8 a.m. – Oski settles down into his first class of the day, “Osk-C for Programmers.” As an Electrical Engineering and Computer Sciences major, Oski has most of his classes in the engineering wing of campus.
12 p.m. – It’s lunch time. Oski picks up some strawbearries from the Golden Bear Fruit Stand.
2 p.m. – While walking through campus, Oski spots a tree and quickly becomes enraged. He tries kicking it with his size-15 feet but then remembers that all trees are brainless and heartless. He moves on from the brief episode.
3 p.m. – Oski volunteers at the University Library where he serves as a one-man database. But to protect his identity from scheming library mafia men, he goes by the pseudonym “OskiCat.” Nobody will ever know his secret.
5 p.m. – Gym time! Oski has been trying to get rid of that excess tummy fat for well over 70 years. To his dismay, he never loses weight (but then again, he never gains weight either). His favorite RSF class is belly dancing. He hopes to one day become a good enough dancer to join the Cal Dance Team.
7 p.m. – Oski has a dinner date with a pretty lady he met at an animal rights committee meeting. He gives her a big bear hug when they meet up outside Bear’s Ramen House. Oski orders a Mister Jonah Stanford with a side of fried rice. The date seems to be going well until the pretty lady asks about his age. Oski gives a nervous laugh and takes a sip of his drink through the hole in his eyelid. Things only get worse when Oski starts rambling about his bipolar-bear ex-girlfriend. His date is not amused. She eventually gets up and leaves.
9 p.m. – Oski walks home alone with a broken heart. He tries his best to express his sadness, but, alas, Oski cannot frown. His deceiving smile fools all onlookers. He retires to his dorm room, where he watches “Bear Grylls: Man vs. Wild” for the remainder of the evening.
Image sources: oski.com
Contact Daniela Grinblatt at [email protected].