Stiff Swimming in the Womb

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Gabriela Mendoza/Staff

You are my genesis, my perfection
A hose skeeting benevolence over the sheets of my mind
We kick life hard against the womb of the love we built
Heightening heights of high hell would never make me flee

You’ve got me deeply rooted in your infectious spell
Wrapped around, surrounded within, the essence of you, of me
You are my one, blazing sun of my humble planet
Intertwined by the heart strings of your soul and mine
….

Pulsating in my mind chambers are exacerbating conversations: altercations.
Forever oscillating between happiness and hate, you tamper my heart’s detectors
Within me, think you, is you,
So fucking untrue.
Shallow professing, telling, yelling

Words, fake dazzling phrases of mad wild love
Of which I’d like to decimate in the burning scope of my trapped-ness
You try to keep me, hideous coward you,
Adult child, holding helpless hamster by tail to hear it squeak, you speak:
Marriage, family, eternal us.
Committing your arson in my synagogue of self

I’ll sever these strings of heart threads to survive, dismembering you and I
If not with you then “with who, fucking who?!”
You’re in love with me, stiff bullshit of inanimate words penetrating me hard,
Molesting me maniacally with threats of suicide that I’d like to call melodramatic.
You ask me to stay.

Heavy doses of marijuana, nurse me through this slow death
Barren-ness of the womb, yours and mine: Love, born still.
Love means happiness for you, you, you, you and you, you large fucking prick,
You never learned the meaning of it.
Yet you still stand tall, wild beastly you.
One day you’ll learn from your ways.
….

Gone forever, the faded image was you, was I,
Year 18, blocked from the history of my mind’s bank
High flags of freedom fly,
I am I.

Contact Gabriela Mendoza at [email protected]