Your girlfriend and your lover walk into a breakfast bar
I ran into your girlfriend
who has been away
and I asked her about her flight
and what was the weather like, in Madrid?
Because I hear it’s been raining and here, well,
it’s been adulterous
with a chance of scattered showers.
To my knowledge,
Madonna wasn’t supposed to sit down with a whore on a barstool
but here we are:
ordering cappuccinos and flinging pleasantries like ammunition.
She asks me what I’ve been doing and I’d like to say your name,
with a wink for good measure,
but, as I am already a capital-A Adulteress
I hesitate to add “home-wrecker” to the list.
I would like to advise her to end the relationship, posthaste,
and that I happen to have this on the word of two marriage and family therapists,
whom I pay good money to tell me what I want to hear,
and my mother, who tells me for free.
I would like to ask her if she is aware
of the percentage of “goodnight, I love you” texts sent to her from my bed,
which hovers around 70 percent, with a margin of error
for the nights when she called first, instead.
I had breakfast with your girlfriend
who frowned at her eggs when I asked her:
How did she ever get so lucky,
to find a liar as good as you?
Sarah Adler is a contributor to The Weekender. Contact her at [email protected]