1. The holiday mug
The best way to spread Christmas cheer is by drinking coffee. Based on your festive mug selection, you clearly already know this. Your cheery attitude and intuition of what ingredients — a hit of cinnamon, a handful of holiday ‘mallows — can spice up a boring cup of joe may leave the rest of us a tad annoyed and most certainly envious, but who cares! Besides, when else are you going to make use of that strange ceramic snowman cup you painted at Daisy’s 11th birthday party? Answer: You can drink out of a holiday mug any time of year!
2. The giant coffee cup
You know what you need, and you aren’t ashamed of it. We are impressed! It takes a lot of strength to lug around a massive mug of hot beverage — almost as much strength as it takes to then drink the heavy vat. Not everyone is at a stage in their lives where they can handle the mental, emotional, and physical implications associated with this much caffeine consumption. If you are not there yet, don’t fret! You’ve got your whole life to build up the righteous coffee resistance of the man pictured above.
3. The tiny coffee cup
You don’t have time to take showers nowadays, let alone casually sip that venti Starbucks caramel macchiato while catching up on the seven different newspapers you subscribe to. Even on your best days, you can’t seen to finish an entire regular coffee without it losing steam, leaving you with a pathetic mug of lukewarm brew.
4. The most basic coffee canister
We all have that one “friend.” You know the one … the “casual” coffee drinker. Over the years, we’ve learned better than to trust anybody who claims they get sufficiently buzzed off a small peppermint latte to crank out an intelligible research paper the night before the due date. On that note, we’ve also learned better than to trust anybody who can self-respectingly gulp down any amount of caffeine from a soullessly basic, white, ceramic coffee mug. Our hearts go out to these people — may they one day find the light to the path of true coffee addiction.
5. The reusable coffee mug
Whenever we see somebody strolling through campus with one of these stylish java jugs, we can’t help but succumb to stereotypes. Flaunting your reusable coffee carafe instantly puts you on a higher level than the rest of us. You’ve finally given up trying to sneak to-go cups into Doe Library, you’re a friend to the environment, and you can continue consuming your caffeinated beverage of choice well into the day without worrying about it reaching room temperature!
6. The disrespectful coffee mug
There are the yik-yak ranters, the in-your-face screamers, the behind-your-back complainers and the transparent passive-aggressors. Then there are those who channel frustrations through wearing controversial T-shirts and stealing change from tip jars … and sporting ridiculously disrespectful coffee mugs, although there are worse things to do than hiding behind a sarcastic ceramic cylinder full of steaming and delicious coffee. Quite frankly, we respect you for a mild exhibition of disillusioned angst that others merely dream of achieving. Keep doing what you’re doing.
7. The to-go cup
How is the whole “zero waste by 2020” thing going? Not well? This cups screams, “I’m not a very good enviro.” But don’t feel too guilty — we know you need your coffee. Just make sure to recycle the cup once you are finished.
8. The one you stole
For various reasons — namely the fact that we question the intelligence of whoever designed this mug — your token prize of thievery rarely sees the light of day. But on the rare occasion that it does, our best estimate to your reason for release is that you have given up. Your cooler mugs are dirty, and your last saving grace is reliving those burglarious glory days. We feel where you are coming from. Well, actually we don’t, but maybe this disturbingly unattractive excuse for a mug is not helping your cry for help. Stop being lazy, and get yourself a cooler coffee mug!
9. The coffee bowl
You have not done dishes in weeks, and there’s a real chance this bowl is still coated in a layer of Monday night’s mac ‘n’ cheese. But you do not care! You shamelessly chug bowls and bowls of coffee from this contaminated chalice. With Thanksgiving around the corner, you are simply too excited to even think about doing dishes. Don’t worry, we don’t judge! A little extra nutrition in your daily dose of caffeine can’t really be a bad thing … can it?
Contact Christina Fossum at [email protected].