It’s peppermint season, everyone. We don’t know about you, but we at the Clog can’t wait to start decking the freakin’ halls of the too-small living space in which we can barely afford to live and to be freakin’ jolly. You know what? Let’s get merry. It’s peppermint season. And that means it’s time to get seasonal.
We want you to pull out that box of holiday decorations you pretend is nondenominational (but totally is denominational), think about how heavy it is, vow to stick to the holiday diet you said you would start soon and go eat some more peppermint bark — because it’s peppermint season, and we’re in the peppermint mood.
Unpack the mistletoe, and forget for a few minutes that there is literally not one single person who wants to kiss you and that you may or may not die alone. It’s peppermint season, and we’re going to get jolly, god damn it. You might see us out caroling on campus, spreading the peppermint-y joy and jingling bells.
We’re going to get the tinsel out and spread it around precisely, as if the very essence of the holiday season depended upon the placement of this particular tinsel. We’re going to light some peppermint candles and add some peppermint Coffee-mate to our coffee and freakin’ like it.
We’re going to buy candy canes in bulk and stomp out all of our holiday cheer on them. We’re going to take those crushed up, red-and-white pieces of peppermint-y goodness and put them on every baked good within arm’s reach. We’re talking peppermint mochas, peppermint chocolate, peppermint brownies, peppermint cookies and peppermints. Hell, even our peppermint toothpaste is getting us in the mood.
We’re going to put on our ugliest sweaters and go stand in the corner of the next party to which we manage to get invited and complain about the rain that our state so desperately needs but sort of makes our hair look frizzy. And we’re going to thank god that pumpkin season is over and we don’t have to pretend to like pumpkin-spice everything anymore, appreciate decorative mutant squashes or act like we’re actually thankful.
It’s peppermint season.
Contact Rachel Feder at [email protected].