You already do a perfect job of embarrassing yourself on a daily basis. But your parents still don’t fail to help you out in that department during Parents’ Weekend. Even though your cool demeanor may be compromised, it’s still worth it to get to see your family again.
Having more school spirit than you
You’ve accumulated a total of one tank top for game days and one hoodie for the colder, “I don’t want to try” weathers. Your parents, on the other hand, might hit up T-Shirt Orgy and the Cal Student Store and add to their wardrobe more UC Berkeley gear in one day than you have in the months or years of being on campus. It is incredibly flattering that your parents are so proud of you and the school you go to, but as soon as your mom decides to get an acrylic that is blue and gold, you’re putting a stop to it.
Going to frat row with you and out-drinking you
Not that someone being able to out-drink you is anything impressive, because you can get wasted from just two shots. You just assume, however, that you get your low tolerance from your parents, which might actually prove to be untrue. In fact, your parents are probably better than you at beer pong as well.
Calling you by your less-than-cool nickname that no one knows about
You have already started associating yourself with a name that is better fitting for your new and improved college self. Yet, as soon as your parents call you by your previous childhood nicknames, which were inspired by something embarrassing you used to do as a kid, you stop feeling like the adult you think you are now. They’re going to have to adjust to calling you by your actual name for you to not forget to respond. Or you’ll have to get used to the idea that your parents will always call you with these nicknames.
Running into your significant other
Running into the person you just had sex with last night and having a conversation with them right in front of your parents could possibly be the most awkward experience you’ll ever have during Parents’ Weekend. Hopefully your parents will not detect the chemistry between you and your significant other, and if they do, hopefully they don’t ask about it. But then again, we’re just hoping for the best here.
Trying to clean your house
Your living environment is a dump; you can’t deny that. You would benefit from a sink without dishes and a bathroom with a tub whose drain is not clogged by a week’s worth of hair. Nonetheless, it is your mess, and you take pride in taking care of it yourself. You were gonna get to those dishes tomorrow anyway, right?
Contact Catherine Straus at [email protected].