Coincidences when you sit next to someone new

Wheeler Auditorium(2)
Jamin Kim-Sanders/File

We’ve all been there. You show up later than usual to lecture, and thus face the dilemma of having to sit somewhere other than your go-to spot. Perhaps you’re even forced to sit next to someone new. That’s quite the conundrum indeed. But it isn’t all bad — in fact, you might just be sitting next to your future spouse! (Not that that ever happens, but it’s a nice white lie to tell yourself.) But even if the future Mr./Mrs. isn’t awaiting you at the back right-hand corner of the room, maybe you’ll discover some amazing coincidence between you and your new neighbor.

It could be something simple. Maybe you discover you both use the same pen color, or have the same aunt. Wouldn’t that be amazing? Congratulations on meeting one of your cousins! And you both write with blue ink. Now that is truly a crazy coincidence indeed.

We at the Clog have shared quite a few crazy coincidences when we are forced to sit next to someone new. There once was a chap that worked here — that’s a story within itself — who sat next to someone new. You won’t believe what happened next. There they are, staring down the face of their lecturer, when one of the fellows turns to the other and says, “Goodness, your face looks soft. You wouldn’t happen to use Dove products to moisturize your countenance?” And get this, our guy damn well does use Dove moisturizer. Oh my, that story sure tingles us somewhere silly!

Listen, we know this stuff sounds far-fetched, but believe us, it could happen to you. Every day, there are thousands of new people you could be sitting next to in class. Forget that your biggest lecture is “only a hundred people.” That’s a cop-out. Apparently every hour there are new classes — we’re still waiting on confirmation on that fact — and there are at least three, maybe four, you’re not enrolled in. Those are all classes full of people you’ve never sat next to. It’s an embarrassment of riches!

So quit lollygagging and sit next to someone new. You might discover something amazing — like the fact that you’re in desperate need of new friends and thus have discovered one incredibly tedious way of meeting people: going to lectures you aren’t enrolled in and sitting next to someone new.

Boy, the truth feels like the snap of a slippery towel on the tush, but you know who loves hearing about these sort of uncomfortable metaphors? Unsuspecting people in lecture halls! So sit next to someone new today and you might just discover a crazy coincidence that binds you two for life — like an incurable venereal disease.

Contact Ismael Farooqui at [email protected].