Alternative reasons for Cal football’s rise in the rankings

memorialstadium_ArielHayat
Ariel D. Hayat/File

As you may have heard, UC Berkeley’s football team has risen in the rankings to 20th in the Associated Press top 25 poll, which is amazing news for the Golden Bears. Interestingly enough, this occurred during the team’s bye week, meaning that Cal football rose in the ranks by doing absolutely nothing.

Informed, logical people might tell you that this ranking shift is due more to other ranked teams suffering losses than to anything Cal football did or didn’t do. But where’s the fun in that conclusion, especially for those of us who claim we understand football but probably actually don’t understand it at all? We at the Clog came up with some other reasons that are likely explanations for the team’s new spot as one of the top teams in the country. Okay, probably just as likely. Okay, not really just as likely at all.

  1. Jared Goff sent in a report to the Associated Press for extra credit.
  2. Stanford’s victory over UCLA brought them to No. 10 and we’re twice as awesome as they are.
  3. Rogue UC Berkeley squirrels held members of the Associated Press at gunpoint, forced them to improve the Bears’ ranking and then stole their muffins.
  4. Over the past several years, UC Berkeley alumni have slowly infiltrated the Associated Press and are slowly helping Cal football rise in the rankings as part of their long-term plan to conquer the world.
  5. Oski stared down the people responsible for the rankings with his large, soul-searching eyes until they relented to his power.
  6. The ranking is dominated by southern and midwestern teams, and the Associated Press just wanted to encourage diversity, that’s all.
  7. It’s all part of a long-term plan to have Oski and the Stanford Tree duke it out in an all-out Big Game brawl on ESPN’s College GameDay program.
  8. Maybe Dirks had something to do with it?
  9. The broadcasters voting in the poll are actually and literally in love with Jared Goff and wanted to show him their affections the only way they could. Think we’re exaggerating? Try watching a game on television and count the number of times the announcers say his name.
  10. The ranking increase was a belated birthday present from the Associated Press because of the Campanile’s 100th birthday.

Contact Kelsi Krandel at [email protected].