20 ways you’ve become your parents

Jasmine Tatah/Staff

We at the Clog have noticed some trends as we’ve progressed through our college years. The more independence we gain and responsibilities we take on, the more we see ourselves becoming real adults. And at a certain point, we start to notice that we’ve turned into everything we feared and more — our own parents. Here are some ways that you’ve become some version of your parents in the last one to four years since starting college.

  1. Grocery shopping has become a kind of hobby of yours and is your new favorite way to procrastinate when you have midterms and papers you should be doing instead.
  2. You keep a stash of coupons or rewards cards in your wallet, right next to the obligatory Costco, Safeway, Target and Walgreens membership cards that sit in your wallet collecting dust.
  3. You can no longer make it up to Northside and/ or the stairs of your apartment without releasing several heavy sighs and involuntary grunting noises.
  4. You make small talk with people whose lives you really don’t care about, like your RA or roommates from freshman year, and you act really interested in how their classes are going this semester.
  5. You read the news and are up to date on current events, or at least enough to act like you know what’s going on in the world and have a stance on issues you actually know nothing about.
  6. You analyze the PG&E and Comcast bills you pay, the restaurant receipts you collect and your bank statement more than you analyze your comp lit readings.
  7. You spend your nights and weekends at home coding or practicing drawing cyclohexane chairs and being sad about how much fun everyone else is having in comparison to you.
  8. You’re really proud of the meals that you make and feel the need to document all of them just so everyone knows how multi-talented you are.
  9. You always ask your housemates how their days went and act like you’re actually listening to their responses.
  10. For some reason, scheduling when to do laundry next is a constant burden and gives you unnecessary anxiety at random times during the week.
  11. You have no idea what the younger generation is watching and listening to these days, and you’ve accepted that you can no longer stay current with pop culture.
  12. You continue to be perplexed by new technological trends (i.e. those Segway hoverboards that seem to be everywhere on campus).
  13. You take care of your roommates when they’re sick and feel the need to constantly check in on their health, partly because you’re concerned, but mostly because you don’t want to catch whatever they have.
  14. You basically only spend money when it’s an absolute necessity — freebies from Caltopia and occasional buy-one-get-one-free sales are the only reasons you own anything.
  15. You venerate your chore chart and have urges to passive-aggressively reprimand people who don’t follow it.
  16. You hate to admit it, but Berkeley may have made you seem slightly more socially conservative. Slightly.
  17. You keep a Google calendar that’s so extensive, you’ve run out of colors to label all of your events.
  18. You’d like to stay up until 2 a.m. to finish your essay, but you’re only physically capable of staying up until 11 p.m. on a good night.
  19. It’s pretty hard to be embarrassed about anything. At this point, you could go to class in a onesie and feel totally comfortable sleeping through lecture.
  20. You appreciate the little things in life more now, such as days with perfect weather, pretty sunsets over the bay, phone calls home and interesting conversations with strangers.

Contact Jasmine Tatah at [email protected].