Thoughts before an 8 a.m. lecture

Sophia Zepeda/File
Sophia Zepeda/Staff
Sophia Zepeda/File

We all know the wonderful feeling of finding a class on Schedulebuilder that has a perfect description, good amount of units and even sounds interesting. But, just as soon as the wonder subsides, the dread sets in when we look at the time for this class and see that it starts at 8 a.m. From that moment on, if you sign up for this class, the semester will be filled with horrible mornings at hours when the roosters in the world aren’t even awake. And every day will be filled with a progression of thoughts while waking up for this feared 8 a.m., which goes something like the thoughts we at the Clog have assembled below.

“Is that my alarm? No, it’s just a dream. Ah, good I can return to my blissful sleep.”

“Oh god — that is actually my alarm, isn’t it? No! I feel like Michael Scott screaming when Toby returned to ‘The Office.’ It’s so dark outside. …Why do bad things happen to good people?”

“I’m just going to refuse. Yup, that’s it. I won’t go. No one can make me go! Ha! I win, world.”

“But that tuition … my mom will rip my legs out if she finds out I skipped another class. OK, focus, you can do this. The key to success is ripping the covers off. But it’s so nice and cuddly in here. Maybe I’ll just come to the dark side and skip class for the rest of my life to become a professional sleeper. I could take so many sleep studies for the school and get paid!”

“No! Get up!”

“Oh no, I did it. I pulled the covers off. It’s a cold and dark world out here. My stupid roommate is stupidly and happily sleeping. What did I just step on? I don’t think I want to know. I haven’t seen a vacuum enter this room for decades now. Okay, I’m out of bed. Good progress, self.”

“Where are my socks? Where is my hairbrush?! Well, at this point I’m already as late as can be, so I might as well look like a barefoot, messy-haired potato, too. My stupid roommate is still stupidly and happily sleeping. Maybe I’ll take her socks. That’ll show her.”

“Should I brush my teeth? Nah, I can do that tonight. Now I’m a barefoot, messy-haired potato with unbrushed teeth. Nice.”

“What outfit says ‘I would rather have caterpillars as toes instead of being up for this 8 a.m., but I’m still alive and barely breathing, yet I have my shit together at other times, occasionally’? Ah yes, the classic Berkeley sweatshirt and any pants that can be found in this dim lighting. No socks still. Can’t win them all, I guess.”

“Oh, keys! Where in god’s name did I leave my keys? I should really put them in the same place everyday. No, I’m not about that lifestyle. It’s so far past 8:10 a.m. Alright, guess I’m going into the world without keys.”

“Was there homework???”

Contact Emilia Malachowski at [email protected].