Picks of the week: Up the indie cred

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Do you consider yourself “alternative?” Do corporate coffee chains make your stomach churn with indignation? Is your music taste most easily explained with a breezy “you wouldn’t know them?” Are you a double major in calculated indifference and interdisciplinary veganism? Maybe you’ve only dabbled in the art of living the disaffected liberal arts millennial college lifestyle, but no worries — here is the definitive guide to being a piece of Berkeley hipster trash this week.

Tuesday: ASUC SUPERB’s Open Mic Night
You’re a tortured artist. Normally, you keep your emotion-soaked prose confined to the pages of your Moleskine, but the world deserves to see your creative genius. On Tuesday night, ASUC SUPERB is hosting an open mic night at the Bear’s Lair at 7:30 p.m. Comedy, music and discounted drinks will provide the backdrop to your debut as a legendary Bay Area artiste. Culture the noisy crowd with a dazzling performance of John Cage’s 4’33”. Because what better way to assert your artsiness than enrapturing a room full of tipsy college kids with four minutes and 33 seconds of silence?

Anytime: SoDoI Coffee Tasting House
Nothing gets an artsy intellectual’s heart pumping like a cup of local, pour-over coffee. Even better — a steaming cup of black coffee from a coffee shop no one else knows about yet. SoDoI Coffee Tasting House is a new gourmet coffee shop that just opened on Durant Avenue, right across from sandwich shop Cheese N’ Stuff. Slip into the dark, artfully-decorated coffee shop for a single-origin brew after class, and scoff at those who think a vanilla bean frappuccino counts as coffee.

Thursday: Mitski at Upper Sproul
It can be hard to keep up with all the hip shows that require your attendance to maintain your carefully-crafted indie persona. Luckily, ASUC SUPERB is bringing indie rocker Mitski right to our campus Thursday night at 5 p.m. The singer-songwriter has enough melancholy indie cred for you to brag about seeing live to all of your cynical 20-something peers. But if you’re looking for next-level artsy millennial cred, only stay for the opener, San Jose-based Try the Pie, and then leave. You’ll have to get there early and miss Mitski to accomplish this feat, but everyone will be so impressed that you knew the opener, so it will all be worth it.

Sunday: The Oscars
You consider yourself a cinephile and you never watch “movies” — you prefer the term “films.” Your taste in films is incredibly niche, and there’s nothing you hate more than popular awards ceremonies. You hate-watch the Oscars every year. Get heated about the racial injustice of #OscarsSoWhite on Sunday and engage in some intellectual discourse as you live-tweet. Bonus points if you publish a thinkpiece on the films and actors you think were cheated out of awards. Throwing an Ironic Oscar Watch Party is optional, though highly recommended.

Contact Madeline Wells at [email protected].