How to be basic in Berkeley

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Uday Suresh/File

You wake up bright and early in your triple residence hall room on a beautiful Friday morn. The sun is out, the sky is blue and the birds are chirping. “How did I get so lucky to live in a place like this?” you think as you marvel at the bluest of blue skies. You sling on your Birks and your brand new Berkeley T-shirt and glance at your phone. Yikes, it’s already 8:45 a.m.! You’re going to miss the bus!

So you run out to the 51B bus stop outside of your residence hall building, but it passes you by as if to say, “Screw you and your so far lovely morning.” You see the sympathetic, yet superior, looks of the people already on the bus as they whiz by. Oh well, who wouldn’t want to walk on a day like this?

On your way to class you grab a latte at Caffe Strada and head to your discussion section in Dwinelle. Class goes as usual — you all sit in uncomfortable silence while the GSI waits for someone to answer his question. Then you head to the Golden Bear Cafe for the legendary chicken strips burrito and chomp away as you bask in the late morning sun on Memorial Glade.

You don’t have any more classes today, so you head to the RSF for a quick workout. Then, it’s back to your residence hall to get started on your readings for next week. Two pages into your Political Science 1 reading, and you’re drooling onto your pillow. Fridays weren’t meant for studying anyway.

Roommate No. 1 shakes you awake at 6 p.m. to get dinner, so you head over to Croads (a.k.a. Crossroads) to see what fresh horrors they’ve concocted this evening. As always, you skip the fish dish in favor of pizza. Bellies full, you and your roommates skip gleefully over to CREAM for dessert and wait in the queue for 15 minutes. But it’s worth braving the line for a warm chocolate chip cookie and coffee ice cream sandwich.

Roommate No. 2 heard that the frats have open parties during welcome week, so you all spruce up and head over to Greek Row looking fresh ’til death. You could see how these parties would be fun if you knew people here, but alas, you and your roommates huddle awkwardly as huge frat stars pass by. You find another group of freshmen and make some friends. Your mom would be so proud of how social you’re being.

The party did its job, because now you’ve all got the drunchies. You follow the 1 a.m. crowds down Durant Avenue and get in line at Artichoke Basille’s for what will be the largest piece of pizza you’ve ever seen. Chomping away, you head home with a satisfied belly and mind as you think of the friends you made tonight.

As your head sinks into your pillow, you smile because college isn’t so scary and Roommate No. 2 heard that Clark Kerr has a dope weekend brunch.

Contact Sasha Ashall at [email protected].a