How to give tour groups an accurate picture of UC Berkeley

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With the long-awaited admissions decisions out and Cal Day approaching, the UC Berkeley campus is experiencing a kind of infestation. No, we aren’t talking about the squirrels. Prospective students are coming in hordes every day to see if this is where they want to spend the next four years of their lives. We at the Clog know that after seeing tour group after tour group for weeks on end, you might want to participate a little. After all, you know what being at UC Berkeley is really like. We decided to put together a guide on how you can give these prospective students an accurate depiction of what life is like at UC Berkeley with just a few discreet (or not-so-discreet) gestures when walking by.

Yell “Go Bears” at them

When you first came here, you were alarmed by the fact that every single email was signed with “Go Bears!” Now, you just attach it to the end of your emails without thinking about it. Show the possible Baby Bears how spirited our school is by shouting the same school mantra at them. Will it alarm them? Sure! But it’ll also prove how much we love the school!

Have a loud midterm study session where the tour group can hear

What would the Berkeley Experience™ be without the unending slew of midterms that you’re always studying for? They don’t tell the poor, innocent future freshmen about the beast that is midterm season until they’ve paid their first deposit. Take the matter into your own hands by staging a midterm study session with a friend on the steps of Sproul Hall, where tour groups often gather. Make sure to emphasize that this is your fifth midterm for the class!

Flyer them on Sproul with flyers saying how great we are

We all know that getting flyered is basically an initiation ritual at UC Berkeley. We also all know that we’re at the number one public university in the world. But do these potential Bears know that? Maybe not! Combine these two essential elements, and harass them on Sproul with the cold, hard facts. We suggest printing flyers with slogans like “UC Berkeley: #1 in the world and #1 in our hearts.”

Infiltrate their ranks and ask oddly specific questions

Pretend to be on a tour with them. After the prospective students have asked basic questions like “do famous people come here to speak?” and “what’s been your favorite part of UC Berkeley so far?” join in with questions that will give an accurate picture of the school. These are questions that the tourers will never even think to ask, like “how gross are the dorm showers, really?” and “how much sleep do you get a night?” and “how many days a week would you say you cry from stress?” Make sure not to get too negative, though — also ask questions like “what’s the coolest free thing you’ve ever gotten on Sproul?” and “so when you go to office hours, what are your professors like?” They’ll thank you later, probably.

Pretend to be on your phone and walk past talking about the coolest class you’ve taken

Act like you’re talking to your mom and explain in detail everything that you loved about the classes you took. Maybe you had a really cool professor, maybe the content was just incredibly interesting or maybe you thought you were going to hate it but ended up loving it. No matter what happened, hearing someone’s experience might be super interesting to the people touring — so speak up!

Contact Taylor Follett at [email protected].