April Fools’ Day was less than a week ago and is still fresh in our hearts. For those of you who love tricks and jokes, we hope you’ve enjoyed your favorite holiday of the season. But for those of you who were the foolish victims, we’re here to help you get on track for next year. We at the Clog compiled a list of a few classic pranks that, with a year-long commitment, could be your next best investment.
If your target is single but not so ready to mingle, create a fake dating profile for them on any online dating site. Get creative with your site choice. Manage it, for months. Stage them falling hopelessly in love with another friend, who is in on the prank. For months, chat just enough so that the history between you two seems real. Then on April Fools’, your target’s “soulmate” shows up on their doorstep, so excited to be visiting Cal. Your target has no idea what the heck’s going on. Show them their profile, and act as if you have no idea why they don’t remember talking about it all semester.
All year, decide to be very generous. Everyday, tape a new box of candy or packet of gum to your dorm room door with a “Take One! :)” sign. People will begin to know you as the person who gives out candy, and some one might even edit Willy Wonka’s Wikipedia page to include you as family. They’re all your targets, especially those who come by, without fail, every day. On April Fools’ Day, put up a fresh new pack of gum. Only you will know that each stick was hand-crafted out of Play-Doh.
For some reason the carpet hasn’t been installed yet or the drywall isn’t done in your new apartment. Make sure you move in first. On the exposed house foundation, take this opportunity to paint and draw some messages such as “Go away,” “Your soul is mine” and “666.” Then, convince the installers that everything is just fine and to simply cover up the designs. Live in the place with your target all year. Then, right before April Fools’, throw a party that does some minor-major damage, such as spilling excessive drinks on the carpet or accidentally punching a hole in the wall. Conveniently go out of town and let them be alone in the apartment as repairs are done and the messages exposed.
Note your target’s laptop model, year and personal design. Order the same one and make it look as identical as possible to your target’s. Make the same scratches and get the same stains on it. While they’re asleep or away, download a backup of their computer to an external hard drive and copy it onto your replica computer. Then, if you’re especially talented with technology, program each key to code for another. If you aren’t, find an EECS major to help you out or take apart the keyboard and move every key over one block instead. On April Fools’ Day, swap the laptops.
Tell your target that you’re planning on founding a ridiculously named club to get you and your friends 24-hour Eshleman access so you can study together at all hours of the night. Nobody else would be interested, and as the signatory, you would process every member’s papers for the access. Have all your friends from another club, all of whom already have access, join your ridiculous club. Then have your target fill out all the paperwork for the ridiculous club and really try to sell it on Sproul. On April Fools’ Day, tell them that your club has finally been authorized, even though you never filed their paperwork. Laugh from inside the building with all your friends as your target tries in vain to use their supposed key card access.
Contact Raeline Valbuena at [email protected].