Quiz: Which inappropriate Donald Trump tweet are you?

Donald Trump
Franchesca Spektor/Staff

In the wake of the worst mass shooting in this nation’s history, Republican presidential nominee Donald Trump responded with a string of flamingly inappropriate and insensitive tweets in which he selfishly tried to advance his own political agenda. This past week his Twitter page has gone viral, yet this isn’t a new game for Trump. Trump’s Twitter feed resembles the unfiltered and uncut stream of consciousness word spew of an agitated toddler.

His tweets, however, are laced with the same volatility, myopia, self-righteousness and IDGAF attitude that occupies a place in all of our souls — the only difference being that most of us have the maturity and social awareness to filter it out. For a second, imagine yourself in a world in which you could, like Donald Trump, abandon those frameworks of acceptable behavior and take this quiz to find out how your own craziness would manifest in 140 characters or less.

  1.  It’s a Friday night, I have $10 and I’m going to spend it on that dank…
    1. Gordo Taqueria
    2. Fondue Fred
    3. Bongo Burger
    4. Toss
    5. Anything but Chipotle
    6. Joshu-ya
  2. When I’m on Stanford campus, I like to…
    1. Try to fit in on campus by counting my money, golf-clapping at sporting events, dressing conservatively and eating Reposado takeout.
    2. Play the “penis game” on the golf course.
    3. People watch.
    4. Roll through Campus Drive blasting the Cal fight song, wearing blue and gold everything and making my presence as offensive, obnoxious and loud as possible.
    5. What? I don’t touch the Stanford campus. I want to preserve my purity and integrity.
    6. Flirt with the other side, scouting out suitable bachelors and bachelorettes and seducing them into the naughtiest form of rebellion.
  3. If I could have dinner with one female celebrity, it would be…
    1. Salma Hayek
    2. Miley Cyrus
    3. Alex Morgan
    4. Khloe Kardashian
    5. Ronda Rousey
    6. Pia Wurtzbach
  4. My favorite Beatles song is…
    1. “Lucy In the Sky With Diamonds”
    2. “Drive My Car”
    3. Come Together”
    4. The Ballad of John and Yoko”
    5. Get Back”
    6. I Saw Her Standing There”
  5. You have 10 minutes in between class — what do you do?
    1. Bask in the sun in the middle of Memorial Glade — maybe naked
    2. Go buy a cold In-N-Out burger that some club on Sproul is selling. You do it for the cause, not the burger
    3. Grab some caffeine
    4. Protest
    5. Put your headphones in so that you’re armed against the potential social encounter or enthusiastic Sproul flyerer
    6. Make out with your GSI
  6. What’s your biggest weakness?
    1. I’m selectively ignorant and I tend to culturally appropriate when it’s funny or convenient.
    2. I have trouble using my words to problem-solve. Instead, I throw money at the problem.
    3. I tend to judge and marginalize others.
    4. I can be reactionary and take criticism personally.
    5. I abandon people I’m loyal to as soon as it compromises my own circumstances.
    6. I have trouble being exclusive in romantic relationships.
    1. “Happy ‪#CincoDeMayo! The best taco bowls are made in Trump Tower Grill. I love Hispanics!” You’re a hedonist! You find serenity and power in simple aesthetic pleasure. You’re a foodie, and you love to turn every day into a holiday by finding every silver lining and always celebrating something. Also, you love all Hispanics. You literally love every. Single. One.
    2. “If Obama resigns from office NOW, thereby doing a great service to the country—I will give him free lifetime golf at any one of my courses!” You’re so generous! You would give anything to fulfill your civic duties. You’re passionate about philanthropy, and even more passionate about getting what you want.
    3.  “I have never seen a thin person drinking  Diet Coke.” You’re perceptive! You’re the type of person to write stories around the people you see on the street. You’re constantly inspired, and you have so many questions. Also, you love Coca Cola and idolize those who feel the same way, from Old Flattop to Alex Morgan, who endorses the brand.
    4. “Amazing how the haters & losers keep tweeting the name “F**kface Von Clownstick” like they are so original & like no one else is doing it…” Oh no, she didn’t! You stand up for yourself! You’re that kid in lecture who publicly fights the professor about the curve. You’re like the hecklers at basketball games and the people who ask for bigger scoops of meat at Chipotle. Common rebuttals in your repertoire also typically include “Your face,” and “Your mom,” comparisons. That said, your methods are often effective and you’re brilliant at seizing control over your own reality. Nobody messes with you or doubts your strength, and people look to you when there needs to be a fat middle finger given to the system.
    5.  “The U.S. cannot allow EBOLA infected people back. People that go to far away places to help out are great-but must suffer the consequences!” You’re the mother bear! Your intentions are noble and honest, and you savagely protect your family, friends and followers. However, sometimes your primal instincts get in the way of rational thought, and you abandon responsibility and confuse survival with selfishness.
    6. “Robert I’m getting a lot of heat for saying you should dump Kristen- but I’m right. If you saw the Miss Universe girls you would reconsider.” You’re a love guru! You’re in tune with those pheromones and you’re great at setting up your friends. You know what you want in a partner and you truly value romance. Sometimes your judgments are grounded in superficial observation, however, which can be misleading and degrading. Also, like a lot of people who reference Twilight, you’re not as funny as you think you are.

Contact Natalie Silver at [email protected].