While walking through Sproul Plaza on Thursday, UC Berkeley student N. Ottreal accepted a flier from an eager club member — a major breakthrough among a student population that just doesn’t care.
Ottreal was on his way to a peace and conflict studies class when he decided to live up to the stereotype of his major.
“She held out the flier, and I took it,” Ottreal said in a lackluster recapitulation of the incident before he was prompted to, you know, not suck at interviews. “I would like to think I’m playing a small part in cross-campus harmony by biting the bullet for my fellow students here, who really don’t give a rat’s ass about your club.”
It was the gesture seen ’round the campus, according to the club’s public relations director, Flash Cashmere. She said that after the surprise flier acceptance, the club member on Sproul handed out another two whole fliers the same day. Others clubs Sproul-ing nearby reported a similar surge in popularity.
The club hasn’t gotten this much attention from students on Sproul since Cal Day, according to Cashmere, when it successfully handed out four fliers that made it past the trash can 5 feet away.
“First there will be a shrine, where we sacrifice fliers to an icon of N. Ottreal,” Cashmere said. “Then, an entire overhaul of this club — the N. Ottreal Club. Yes, yes, I like the sound of that.”
Campus sociology professor May Duppe noted how fliering is possibly the most ineffective way to gauge students’ interest in various clubs, despite its undying prominence.
“Sure, I’ll use my years of complex research in the field of political sociology to dissect how a bunch of undergrads pass out pieces of paper,” Duppe said. “I think this is a valid, important application of my 30 years of expertise.”
Not all students were moved by Ottreal’s gesture. That really grandiloquent guy from your avant-garde film class said he was completely unmoved and would continue to greet Sproulers with his well-rehearsed “resting bitch face.”
“The ethnographic surrealism of the mise-en-scene juxtaposes intricately with the auteur quality of the anachronistic Sproul aesthetic,” he said, guaranteeing himself a spot in the underworld.
A fliering spokesperson could not be reached to give a substantive comment on the “fliering phenomenon” despite literally three phone calls and five follow-up emails, but we pretended one could be reached in a complete breach of journalistic ethics.
The spokesperson, who is definitely not a fictional character in a satirical representation of the way news articles are written, said she was aware of the situation on Sproul but could not comment on it because the campus is currently investigating the bombshell flier reception.
“We’re looking into the situation,” she said. “On another note, I hate these brownnosing child investigators and how they think they’re on par with professional news outlets. Oh wait, this is off the record, right?”
UC Berkeley freshman Faye K., who did not witness the Thursday incident but was plucked from Sproul for her uncorrupted youthful spirit and outsider’s perspective in order to end the story on a neutral note, said that because of Ottreal’s actions, she would be more open-minded when it came to accepting fliers.
“Maybe next time, I’ll even go up to Sproulers and ask for fliers,” she said. “I’m a freshman, so I treasure new experiences almost as much as the lanyard around my neck.”