If ‘Toy Story’ characters went to UC Berkeley

Crystal Zhong:Staff
Crystal Zhong/Staff

Many of us have enjoyed “Toy Story” since we were children, but have you ever wondered what these characters would be like if they existed in real life? What would life be like if these toys sat with us in our lectures and discussions, suffering with us through midterms and enjoying GBC burritos with us? Here’s a closer look at what some “Toy Story” characters would be like as Berkeley students.

Woody

As the outspoken and charismatic sole leader of Andy’s room (until he has to share that leadership with Buzz Lightyear), Woody would be a double major in political science and rhetoric. He’d be a frequent speaker on Sproul, speaking out for the rights of disenfranchised toys. He would also be president of BTLC — the Berkeley Toy Legal Clinic — which would handle cases dealing with recalled toys, out-of-stock toys and the legal rights of secondhand toys. After graduation, Woody would perhaps go on to join toy politics, continuing his crusade to fight for better toy legislation nationwide.

Buzz Lightyear

Buzz Lightyear would undoubtedly be a champion of the College of Engineering, double majoring in mechanical and nuclear engineering with a minor in astrophysics. Not only would his schedule go upwards of 30 units a semester, he would also be an active member of Association of Nuclear Scientists, forever striving to bring nuclear power to Star Command to defeat Emperor Zurg’s evil forces. From time to time, he would be seen munching on Sun Chips and Lara Bars with Woody at the GBC.

Hamm

Penny-wise and dollar-wiser, Hamm would be an economics major applying to Haas his sophomore year. He would be an active member of both Berkeley Investment Group and Capital Investments Berkeley, forever striving to gain weight — in coins, that is. In addition, Hamm would be forever complaining about having to remove his cork for quarters every time Woody had to borrow money for laundry.

Rex

Rex, tapping into his sensitive artistic side, would be a music major specializing in voice. After all, he must fulfill his lifelong goal of perfecting that roar. He would be an enthusiastic participant of the UC Toy Chorale, providing some great background vocals with a T-Rex roar rehearsed to perfection.

Slinky

Slinky would be a physics major, dedicated to analyzing and perfecting his movements and that of his fellow slinky toys. He would also consider materials science and engineering at some point in time to learn how to develop sturdier slinky material to reduce toy fatalities caused by a snapped metal cord.

Jessie

Jessie would be captain of the Cal Equestrian Team, winning gold in every race with Bullseye. When not riding, she would be a psychology major, trying to learn more about the relationship between toys and their owners. She’d put this to use trying to provide helpful advice to abandoned toys through her “Ask Jessie” column in The Daily Californian.

Mr. Potato Head

Mr. Potato Head would be a bioengineering major, hoping to one day learn the best tactics for setting up his own organic potato farm. He would also be a vocal advocate for healthier food at the GBC, specifically banning the sale of french fries. You read that right — he was also responsible for the fall of the GBC chicken strips. In his spare time, he would be seen at Games of Berkeley or Victory Point Cafe, always at loggerheads with Hamm about who cheated in Battleship.

The Toy Soldiers

The toy soldiers would be the stars of the ROTC program, always ready to serve with full force. In addition, they would be active BearWalkers, helping toys get back home safely after a long night of studying at Moffit. Talk about the ultimate squad — you’d always be able to spot them marching across Sproul together. 

Contact Mohan Ganesan at [email protected].