One of the hardest parts of going to college is leaving your pet behind. If you’re a pet lover, you probably miss your dog, cat, pigeon or squirrel at home and need to find something to fill the void their absence leaves in your life. After countless hours exploring apartments and residence hall rooms, and some intense investigative journalism, we’ve discovered some of the strangest yet most fitting pets to have while in college.
The most low-maintenance college pet is definitely a rock. What’s better than a pet that you don’t have to feed, take on walks or pay any attention to at all? Your faithful rock will just sit on your desk — or even bedside table if you want to show it some real affection — and be there day in and day out. When you’re having a bad day, you can just think of your happy rock, chilling in your room free to do whatever it desires. It’ll pick up your spirits and you know it’ll be waiting for you when you get back to your dorm or apartment. It won’t ask you for anything and it’ll be your rock (pun intended) in your busy college life.
Ready for something more alive than a rock? It’s time for a cactus. This is a huge thing at Berkeley, because we love our succulents. Just like rocks, cacti are really easy to take care of. You can forget to water it for months and it’ll still be there, living to support you through your college endeavors. Just don’t forget to water it altogether — even the desert gets a tiny bit of rain. Your cactus will be a faithful and loving companion throughout the year. You can watch it bloom as the seasons pass, and ponder the variability of life and also existentialism and also aliens and also what you had for breakfast that morning. You can even name it, put it in a cute Bear-shaped pot or talk to it if you’re feeling lonely. We won’t think you’re crazy, we promise.
It might be surprising, but there’s a college pet out there weirder than a rock or a cactus. If you’re a cat or dog lover and really miss your dog loving you unconditionally or your cat unconditionally ignoring you, it may seem like nothing will really compare. Either way, there is actually a quick and easy solution. There are buttons you can buy that, when pressed, make the sound of a dog barking or a cat meowing. These are super cheap and can be found in any hole-in-the-wall store in a back alley or Costco and will keep your days of longing for your animal to a minimum. Don’t fret and get your sounds-like-your-animal-but-not-really-your-animal button today.
Becoming a pet owner is easier than you think. Go to your favorite nursery, Ace Hardware, tiny shop in a back alley or Costco and pick up your pet today. Happy pet hunting!
Contact Esmé Brachmann at [email protected].