UC Berkeley reasons you’re late for class

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Kristine Wong/Staff

Some of us are perpetually late. Making it on time anywhere just never seems to happen, even with the buffer zone that is Berkeley time. We can’t blame our tardiness on the traffic every single time though. When at UC Berkeley, there are unique but fairly legitimate reasons why you never get to class at the start time. Here are just a few of them.

The elevator that you took in Barrows Hall ended up at floor 8.4356

The elevators sound like a faster option than the stairs but you should really rethink that if you’re in Barrows Hall. These elevators are straight out of the “Twilight Zone.” It’s slightly unnerving to see the elevator indicating that it’s going sideways and that you’re headed to floor 193. A Barrows Hall elevator is probably a portal to another dimension. But if that other dimension has Harambe as our chancellor or something, we’re stepping right in.

You have a class in Dwinelle Hall that starts in 10 minutes, but you just got out of one in Pimentel Hall and you don’t know what exercise is

Legends has it that it takes just 10 minutes to get from one building to another on campus. Supposedly, that’s the reason why we have Berkeley time. But quite honestly, we don’t believe it. There are students who probably train religiously at the Recreational Sports Facility so that they can successfully make it to their back-to-back classes on time. The gains might be necessary, brahs. For the lazier types out there like us at the Clog, we’ll get to the next class in maybe 30 minutes, if we get there at all.

As you were eating lunch you got jumped by a feral pack of squirrels on Sproul Plaza

Don’t even dare to open that bag of chips unless you want a swarm of rabid, fearless squirrels analyzing your every move. Some will go as far to climb on you in pursuit of food. The squirrels in Berkeley fear absolutely nothing. The other day, in fact, a squirrel was actually climbing up police officer like a tree, touching his holster and everything. Don’t mess with them.

You got run over by a car on Shattuck Avenue

Yes, pedestrians could behave a little better. But have you seen how people drive in Downtown Berkeley? Yikes. All of us have definitely had near misses crossing the street. Getting run over seems to be rite of passage in Berkeley. Make sure to look more ways than left and right because crossing the street safely is almost impossible. Civilians in vehicles aren’t the only offenders; public transit workers are in on it too. The other day some Clog writers almost got run over by Bear Transit.

The 51B bus never made it on time (note: it rarely does) 

Why is it that the buses never seem to be on time out here? The bus website is a mess too. You sort of have to wing it sometimes. If it says it’ll take you 30 minutes to get somewhere via bus, give the trip at least five hours. One weekend, one of us at the Clog took a bus from Maximino Martinez Commons to The Daily Californian office, and by the time the trip was over, our friend had gone to Yosemite and back. Public transport in these parts really teaches you how to manage your time properly, but that’s probably the only positive side. AC Transit is so full of lies, it should run for office. Don’t even get us started on BART.

Contact Karina Pauletti at [email protected].