It’s not a surprise that walking around campus, we’re surrounded by a sea of intellectuals. The brilliance of our campus professors is evident in the designated Nobel laureate parking spaces and casually mentioned awards and grants. As students, we attend lectures with a mix of inspiration from our professors’ passionate ramblings and dread at the thought of trying to decode their extensive lesson plans. But what if your classes could be taught by some of your favorite TV masterminds? We at the Clog can’t help but daydream about what courses these eccentric characters would teach.
Sherlock Holmes — English R1A
With the help of his trusty GSI John Watson, Sherlock would be the type of professor who forces you to notice every single one of those little details that contribute to a convincing argument. Sherlock would push you to write foolproof logic using literary analysis to back your claims. He’d rip your essays to shreds after reading only the introductory paragraph and tell you to think twice before daring to turn in such rubbish.
Gregory House — Public Health C102: Bacterial Pathogenesis
A big believer in scenario-based problem solving, House’s course would be the one bio class you’d definitely avoid if you could help it. In lecture, if he even made the effort to show up, you’d hope that he wouldn’t call you out and humiliate you in front of your peers. If you’re (un)lucky enough to get into one of his labs, be prepared to become his glorified intern and test-tube cleaner.
Annalise Keating — Legal Studies 181: Psychology of Law
When she’s not teaching the Berkeley law students over at UC Berkeley School of Law, Professor Keating is fought over by undergraduates hoping to make a spot on her Keating Five team. Though it’s unlikely she’d ever let you handle her coffee, let alone take on cases, she’d captivate you as soon as you walked into the lecture hall. With her cunning and meticulous personality, you’d better pay attention to her in class if you want to even think about acing her exams.
Sheldon Cooper — Physics H7A
When he’s not working on obtaining yet another doctoral degree, Sheldon likes to volunteer his time teaching the plebeians. Sheldon would be the professor who’d challenge his students to defeat his high score on Assassin’s Creed. You’d also run into him roaming the hills near the Lawrence Berkeley National Laboratory. Sheldon would constantly assert his intellectual dominance over his own students and insist that he isn’t crazy — his mother had him tested.
Temperance Brennan — Anthropology 1: Introduction to Biological Anthropology
Dr. Brennan’s love of anthropology makes up for her lack of social skills. She’d probably have a substitute professor take over her lectures more often than not, because she’s busy jet-setting to other states to solve cases for the FBI. If you manage to impress her during lecture, she might invite you to the Smithsonian Institution to become one of her squinterns.
The Doctor — History R1A
The Doctor’s class would be the most popular history course, with over a hundred students on the waitlist. No one really knows who the Doctor really is because he seems to look like a different person each lecture, and his version of history seems out of this world impossible. His personal accounts of historical figures would amaze all the students, and his blue police box would be parked in the middle of Sproul Plaza.
Contact Angeline Nguyen at [email protected].