When asked about the elevator at Evans Hall, many students at UC Berkeley will complain about how long it takes, how it stops on every floor on the way down or how there’s only one elevator to serve a whole building. But we here at the Clog think those points are just irrelevant, and we know that there are invaluable experiences you can gain by waiting for the elevator in Evans Hall. Stop whining and start waiting the right way.
1. Ponder your existence.
Pondering your existence is one of the most important things you can do in life, because it will help you realize how small you are and will just really make your life worth it. Ponder why you are here, why the Earth is here, whether there are aliens, etc, etc, etc. Make yourself nice and freaked out by lots of existential crises while waiting for the elevator in Evans Hall. It will be a good, healthy experience for you while you’re quietly standing in front of the elevator. It’ll also remind you an extra five minutes waiting for the elevator aren’t even noticeable in comparison to the grand time scheme of the universe. Have fun pondering why you exist!
2. Count the number of cracks in the ceiling.
After your existential crisis, you can do something even more valuable — count the number of cracks in the ceiling. Honestly, is there any better way to spend your time? Doing this will expand your knowledge of math and cracks in ceilings, and will be a lovely, tedious process that is perfect for wasting time before the elevator. We promise it’ll be worth the 10 minutes the elevator will take. Kind of.
3. Worry about everything you have to do and everything you aren’t getting done by standing waiting for the elevator.
Once you’ve questioned your own existence and have successfully counted every single crack in the ceiling, now it’s time to worry. By standing and waiting for the elevator for twenty minutes, you’re stopping yourself from completing what you should be doing. We know you have that bio lab report, an essay for psychology and a math midterm coming up. So now is the time to worry about all of them, because honestly, is there a better time? Hang out in front of the elevator and worry away. It’ll be a fantastic experience.
4. Up your social game.
We all know that waiting for the elevator is the perfect place for social interaction. I mean, if you remember any previous elevator ride you’ve ever taken, you know that everyone talks to everyone waiting for the elevator, instead of ignoring them and looking at their phones. It’s not as if everyone stands there in silence in front of the elevator, sneaking glances at each other and pretending to be busy. It’s such a great social experience, because it’s a half hour of quality time. You can talk to anyone you want to, because they’ll be both appreciative of it and expecting it. Don’t listen to anyone who denies it — waiting for the elevator is the single best way to make friends.
5. Talk yourself out of going to office hours.
Waiting for the elevator can even apply to your academics. You’ve headed over to Evans Hall to get the help you really need in your math class from your professor, and you were ready and motivated to get it. But while waiting for the elevator for an entire hour, you realize that this whole experience isn’t really worth your time. You can just get some help later, or even the day before the test. This is a wise choice, and one you’ll only be able to make standing and waiting for the elevator in Evans Hall. Way to keep your academics in check!
As you can see, waiting for the elevator in front of Evans Hall is an invaluable experience. It’ll be a fun, enjoyable and definitely worth your time. So head over to Evans Hall today, even if you don’t need to go.
Contact Esmé Brachmann at [email protected].