The 5 stages of Phase I grief

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Catherine Straus/File

Just like the election results, you may have endured a miserable Phase I of class enrollment that didn’t quite turn out in your favor, and now it’s time to begin your grieving process. You might have failed to get into the lecture for that all-important major prerequisite, you’re last on the waitlist in Robert Reich’s famed Public Policy 109 class or you’re stuck with that dreaded 8 a.m. discussion. Whatever your inevitable CalCentral issues are, we at the Clog are here for you and are prepared to guide you through the five stages of grief.

Denial

The first stage in Phase I grief is denial. You’ll constantly be staring at your SchedulePlanner like it’s your actual schedule. Because according to you, it is. This is when you’ll constantly remind yourself how successful your class enrollment has been, and how good CalCentral has been to you. In your mind, all your classes start at 12 p.m. and end before 4 p.m. And, not to mention, blue squares and yellow triangles are apparently the new green circles. Life is good, right? Nah, life is better than good. It’s great, man.  

Anger

Now that you’ve come down from the clouds and entered what we at the Clog like to call reality, you’ve entered a phase of extreme anger. Punching your computer when your browser is open to CalCentral has become a routine activity, and now your friends and roommates are avoiding you because all you do is throw things at them and yell at them when they talk about their schedules for next semester. We recommend putting some ice on your fist and taking a chill pill.

Bargaining

Congratulations, you have now entered the third stage of Phase I grief. You are now at the point where you will do anything not to feel the pain of your loss. You continuously think of what you could’ve done differently to get what everything you wanted. Perhaps you should have bribed the Office of Registrar to switch your Nov. 3 Phase I date to Oct. 17? Or maybe you should have enrolled in the College of Natural Resources and majored in Food Systems just to get that prime Phase I time? What does it take?

Depression

By now, you’re probably feeling a little empty inside, partly because your schedule for the spring semester is currently empty. You’re in a bit of a slump and considering withdrawing, but you’re not alone. Misery always has its company. We recommend posting in Free and For Sale Facebook group to find people who are in the same boat as you who are down for a screaming and crying session on the Glade. Trust us, you’ll have some takers.

Acceptance

Here you are at the final stage of Phase I grief. You’ve made it through the roughest of patches, and now you’re ready to accept your loss and gear up for Phase II. You’re still hoping for CalCentral to crash and force everyone to start all over again, but aren’t we all? Hey, look on the bright side. At least you’re probably on one wait list.

Good luck with Phase II. We’d be rooting for you, but we need to get into our classes first.

Contact Chloe Lelchuk at [email protected].