What your RRR week apparel says about you

doe library
Nicole White/File

Alas, RRR week is here. Say goodbye to free time, clean laundry and your sanity, distressed reader. It’s go time. One of the first things to go unnoticed during this high-stakes period is our attention to personal hygiene and wardrobe. A student’s ensemble can give the outside world a rather keen insight into the status of the student’s emotional and mental stability. We at the Clog recognize the importance of this signifier and have ever-so-graciously included a guide to help educate the masses on what one’s finals apparel says about them.

The put-together people

Ah, we all know this mysterious and elusive species. These are the individuals that stroll into our 8 a.m. discussions caffeinated, showered and well-outfitted. We at the Clog don’t quite comprehend how they manage to put together more than one outfit during RRR week, never have second-day or hat hair and are scarcely seen without contacts. These are the people who are prepared, prompt and pumped up about the opportunity to show their stuff on the upcoming final exams. But don’t worry, kind reader, we at the Clog are not fooled. Though perfectly put together on the outside, on the inside these folks are slowly slipping into madness and are much more stressed out about their finals than they let on to outsiders.

The active-wear people

Thank god, back to Earth. These efficient individuals are a slight step down from the put-together people. They too are on top of their study schedule and maintain a steady sense of intensity throughout RRR week. When they’re not seen in the library, this species can be found at the RSF violently running on the treadmill whilst viciously shuffling through flashcards. These folks can also stand out because of the aggressive EDM study playlist they’re listening to through their headphones in Wurster Hall. But never fear, dear sweet reader, don’t be intimidated by these people. It’s all a front for their internal anxiety about destroying their beloved GPA. After all, there’s nothing to fear but fear itself.

The excessive Cal gear people

Ah-ha, finally we get to the relatable people. These folks are the humans that bear their acceptance to UC Berkeley as a badge of immense honor. Whenever they fear for their academic career, they hang onto the fact that they got accepted into the number one public university in the world, and therefore, they’ve already made it pretty damn far in the world. Everything beyond that is icing on the cake. Don’t chuckle, pretentious reader, we all think this thought around RRR week, when it appears as though our computer science final may get the best of us. This group is hopeful and optimistic, keeping everything in perspective. These people simultaneously make thorough study guides, do any and all extra credit and pray for the curve to be in their favor every night before bed. We at the Clog resonate with these humans and see them as our kin, and we recommend you do as well.

The one-outfit all week people

At last, 99.9 percent of the school falls into this category, including us at the Clog. The vast majority of us are exhausted, nearly delusional and barely keeping it together. We’re the beautiful humans that embody the spirit of RRR week in its entirety. We don’t sleep, bathe or change for the entirety of the 168 hours of this do-or-die week. We embrace the challenge of these final days and attempt to complete an entire course’s worth of problem sets in a mere few days, read all of the course readings overnight and watch a semester’s worth of lectures in one sitting. This is the nucleus of UC Berkeley: hardcore crammers who attempt and achieve the impossible.

With this in mind, whatever study species you belong to, we at the Clog wish you the best of luck studying this RRR week, and may the curve be ever in your favor.

Contact Nichole Bloom at [email protected].