Staying alive during dead week

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For students camping out in libraries, RRR week will be filled with zombies hunched over textbooks, slumping even further as their eye bags grow heavier. For those in the residence halls, RRR week will be a stream of over-stressed freshmen pacing up and down the hallways, contemplating alternative career choices that don’t involve a degree. For those in apartments, this week will involve mountains of unwashed dishes to match the unwashed hair.

But for those lucky enough to read this, RRR week will be 168 hours of success.

Make your sleep-deprived friends jealous by ensuring healthy productivity every second of every day during RRR week. Rise above the weaklings who use meaningless distractors as study breaks by transforming your 15 minutes of breathing room into something that’ll push you even further.

  1. Love your body. After you finish reading the 50-page-long chapter that resembled a foreign language, re-energize your brain and body by working out. Go for a run, do pushups and situps, grab a jump rope and skip the stress for 10 minutes. Just because your menu for the rest of the semester included every restaurant on Telegraph Avenue doesn’t mean you need to spend RRR week along the same lines.
  2. Delete timesucks. Most people take breaks by checking up on social media — but not you, because that is not productive. Instead, use your study break to delete old apps you don’t use anymore and distracting apps that prevent you from being your final form. We already know what’s going to be plastered on Snapchat this week: stressed out, dirty students. Do you really need to see that? We think not.
  3. Call your guardian. Back in your hometown is the parent who raised you, patiently waiting by the phone until their beloved child remembers they exist. Briefly walk away from that essay to remind yourself that there is more to life than figuring out how to meet a page requirement. There are people who will continue to love you regardless of what grade you get. Warning: Do not complete this task if your stress levels are at Paris Geller on a scale of Kenneth Parcell to Francis Underwood, as unnecessary arguments may occur.
  4. Say hello to a human being. Especially for students residing in apartments, the four walls of your room can quickly become your best friends — but sadly, they will never provide the true love and support that social creatures need. When you’ve finally had it with art history terms replacing your vocabulary, try to use greetings such as “hello” or “How are you?” on another human being. Let them help you remember that sentences exist. You are more than capable of putting subjects and verbs together — try it with another human!
  5. Shower. The extra weight that seems to be dragging you down may not actually be the junk food you’ve been stuffing down your throat (justifying it because you’re an avid user of tip No. 1 above) — it might be the extra layer of oil your skin has managed to accumulate after days of not showering. So take a break and bathe. You’ve helped enough with the drought.
  6. Clean/change lightbulbs. Yes, your long-term goals may involve working at a Fortune 500 company so that you can hire a maid and will never have to lift a Lysol wet wipe again. But in the meantime, use your break to tidy up the hole you’ve claimed for yourself this week. While we may not be sure whether the same rule applies to students who attend the most stressful college, they say a clean space breeds a calmer learning environment.
  7. Become employable. Remember: Finals are just a step toward the job you’ve always wanted. But actually filling out job applications is a quicker, more necessary, short-term step many students avoid because of a fear of commitment and rejection. Use your study break to finish at least one application to ensure that you will still be employable regardless of the grade you get on the final.

We can’t guarantee that you will pass your final, but by taking these study breaks, we can guarantee you will be a more productive member of society than many of your peers.

Contact Ilaf Esuf at [email protected].