What’s more aggressive?: the curve or UC Berkeley Memes for Edgy Teens?

dirks meme
Chris Tril/File

Bow your head. Close your eyes. That’s right, it’s time to pray for that curve with every ounce of your body. Usually, this time of the year is when we get in touch with our spiritual side and rekindle the flame with some form of a higher power. However, this finals season gives us a whole new reason to fear — the all-encompassing social phenomenon of memes is invading our lives this week more aggressively than ever before.

It seems as though both our pre-midterm vocab and the Plastics are returning to our lives this week in quite an all-encompassing fashion. Despite being knees-deep in academic obligations, it seems as though trolling, or commenting, on our beloved UC Berkeley Memes for Edgy Teens page might be sliding into first place on our to-do list. Even we here at the Clog (and even our godly Editorial Staff at The Daily Californian) fall victim to engaging in this addicting guilty pleasure.

Now, as members of the Daily Clog community, let’s discuss why memes are rapidly becoming a most prolific force at UC Berkeley.

The infamous curve. It’s mind-boggling that a squiggly line can lead an entire group of erudite young humans into complete mental disarray. Yet, the curve is limited to just one class, one semester and fewer than one thousand people. Memes, however, reach the masses and can last forever. They can attract the anger and sass of students from all grade levels and walks of life. Memes can cross any barriers.

Yet just as much as memes can conquer division and unify us, they can also still lead to a rowdy uproar of polarization. In recent events, such the North Shore High School revival, our beloved page that formerly united the memers of UC Berkeley quickly began a war leading to some of the most intense bisection in our nation — besides the federal government, of course. This divide mirrors the same battlefield of Chemistry 1A and the division between those above the curved line and those unfortunate souls below it.

Most significantly, both memes and the curve consume us. What keeps a UC Berkeley student up all night? Why, a Chancellor Dirks meme and curve-terrors, of course. What do we spend half of our day doing? Well, clearly we rise to the joys of calculating the least amount of hours we can study to get a B on the curve. And, of course, we all fall into our slumber whilst thoughtfully gazing at each and every meme posted in the past hour, or since we last trolled the glorious, edgiest Facebook page.

Overall, it seems as though this semester’s curves have nothing on the pure savagery of Edgy Teens. In the world of memes, no one is safe — no major, no student organization or school mascot. There is a fine line between thriving and achieving meme glory and getting cyber-assaulted by academically bitter and sleep-deprived students. We at the Clog therefore send you the best of luck to beat that curve and come out of the UC Berkeley Memes for Edgy Teens page alive and edgier than ever.

Contact Nichole Bloom at [email protected].