Even if having Berkeley Goggles is a very real and prevalent disease, UC Berkeley still has some noble and attractive alumni. Although notably hot alumni are often few and far between, we must commend them for putting in the good work all over the world and making people think UC Berkeley is full of models.
1. Chris Pine
No one with such a sharp jawline has entered Dwinelle since … ever. Even though Aaron Rodgers was close to taking first place, Star Trek star Chris Pine won the most attractive alumni award (a very prestigious award indeed, invented just this week in the Clog office). Also, according to Wikipedia, Chris Pine is currently single, so hit him up in Los Angeles.
2. Alex Morgan
An Olympic gold medalist, FIFA Women’s World Cup champion and overall goddess, Alex Morgan comes in second on the Cal’s Most Attractive Alumni list. Morgan graduated early from Berkeley in 2010, after which she was drafted first in the WPS draft. So, basically, she’s hot as hell, is probably strong enough to carry you home instead of calling a Lyft, is weirdly athletic and intelligent and is the richest women’s soccer player in America. If someone doesn’t marry her, we will.
3. Paula Patton
We’re a little bitter at Paula because she chose to transfer to USC (why, though?) after her first year. Still, once you go Oski, you never go back. Patton is recently single after filing for divorce with Robin Thicke, so we suggest your way into her heart is by comforting her through her divorce and then proposing as soon as she’s over it.
4. Nathan Adrian
The most Googled thing about Nathan Adrian should be “Nathan Adrian’s body.” This beautiful specimen is a five-time Olympic gold medalist! Once you start dating him, you could cut up the medals and wear them as jewelry, just to show everyone you’re with him. You could even make them into bracelets and pretend they’re bids, only to say “Oh, haha, oops guess that’s just my boyfriend’s Olympic medal that I forgot to take off.” On a side note, Nathan Adrian and Alex Morgan would make possibly the most beautiful and athletic children in the world.
5. Allison Stokke
If you dated Allison Stokke, you would never have to do leg day ever again, because she would do enough for the both of you. She’s also famous for pole vaulting, so she could put you on her back and pole vault you into anywhere you wanted to go without having to pay an entrance fee.
If that isn’t the hottest 68 year old you’ve ever seen, then you’re just lying. Not only is this beautiful man full of school spirit, he ages extremely and suspiciously well and dresses to impress. If you dated Oski, you could get into any football game for free. But there might be some legal trouble with the whole bestiality thing.
Contact Emilia Malachowski at [email protected].