Dear Justin Wilcox: Don’t move into Sonny Dykes’ old house

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(Disclaimer: The following story is not actually intended to dissuade anyone from buying Sonny Dykes’ house. It’s a nice place, really.)

Cal football’s former head coach Sonny Dykes is selling his Piedmont, California, home, as first reported by realtor.com.

The house, which is listed at $4.25 million, is the seemingly ideal setting for a millionaire football coach with a daily commute to Memorial Stadium: five bedrooms, 6.5 bathrooms and a 16-minute drive to the green pastures of Kabam Field.

Dykes, who was fired by Cal and has since moved on to an offensive analyst role at TCU, apparently doesn’t want to keep the mansion as a summer home. Guess living near the area’s premier window treatment store, All About Windows, wasn’t enough to make him stay.

It’s easy to see the merits of buying the house. Mansions with two master bathrooms and a “must-see over-the-top ladies dressing room” don’t come around every day, and certainly not for the low, low bargain bin sticker price! Or maybe they do — not really sure what that much money looks like. Who could forget what the Zillow listing calls “a hot tub fit for a crowd?” It’s perfect for hosting parties, even when getting back from another road loss.

But we at The Daily Californian would like to recommend one thing to the Bears’ new head coach, Justin Wilcox: Don’t buy that house. The ghost of a mediocre tenure probably still haunts the place. Don’t let the outdoor fireplace fool you. In fact, don’t let your defensive staff near it, either. And keep away anyone involved with special teams unless you just want your quarterback to punt.

Wilcox needs to stay away from every part of Dykes’ legacy. There’s nothing the Cal community wants to see less from Wilcox than a repeat of Dykes’ decisions. That’s not why season ticket renewals were dropping before Dykes’ firing. That means no blaming players for losses. It means not ignoring half of the football team. And yes, it means not buying that house.

At this point, that (beautiful) mansion is associated with the stink of a 19-30 record, including four straight losses against Stanford. Plus, Wilcox should consider living even closer to campus, anyways.

Living in Berkeley means living closer to the Taco Bell that upstaged your hire in this very paper.

With all this presented to Wilcox, all we can say is, “Justin — can we call you Justin? Justin, if you haven’t already found a permanent place to live, don’t turn to Sonny’s example (that’s generally good advice). He was never destined to stick around for long. Plus, that Taco Bell serves beer!”

Contact Hooman Yazdanian at [email protected]. Follow him on Twitter @hoomanyazdanian