If you’re thinking of going to run at the Recreational Sports Facility on a weekday night, don’t go. You won’t find a machine. If you’re thinking of going to run at the RSF on a weekend night, don’t go. You won’t find a machine. Basically, any time that you want to go to the RSF, just don’t go. It will always be overcrowded (joys of going to college with 40,000 people!), and it will literally be as hot as an oven. It’s just not worth it (and to be honest, exercising really isn’t important. What exactly is the point of it?).
Anyway, if you’re looking for new, innovative, insanely groundbreaking ways to work out on campus besides the RSF, here are a few that have proven to work for us.
Walk up to Pimentel
All those Chemistry and EECS majors know that this is one of the most effective workouts on campus. The path is incredibly long, windy and steep. It also never, ever ends, and it’s filled with fun obstacles such as falling tree branches, and oh, the 40,000 other students who go here. You’ll make it to the cusp of the hill, drenched in sweat you really didn’t need at 8:00 a.m., just as a heart-wrenching realization hits you: there’s another hill to go. This hike, which we have so lovingly coined “Pimentel Pain,” will be one of the best workouts on campus — even better than the RSF.
Try to find a class in Dwinelle
This is virtually impossible. Walking into Dwinelle could possibly be more overwhelming than your most recent midterm or questions from your parents about your “plans in life.” It’s honestly like walking into a store that’s having a 50 percent-off sale. It’s all insane: There’s an insane amount of people, and the people are insane. That’s about it. And, beyond the hoards of people, Dwinelle is the most difficult building to navigate in probably the history of buildings. There’s a weird C, D, E, F situation going on, and the numbers of classes are all over the place. It’ll take quite a lot of hurried, anxious fast-walking to get to your class, and it’ll be exactly the workout you’re looking for.
Climb stuff on campus naked
If you’re looking for a great all-around body workout, climbing is a great choice. But it’s so boring to go to a climbing wall — why not follow these students’ lead and climb stuff on campus in the nude? Sather Gate is an inspired option, but be sure to try out the edifice of Doe Library for an extra challenge!
Head to the only good café (that takes meal points) on campus
Yep, Pat Brown’s. Pat Brown’s has it all: edible food, Peet’s coffee, the ability to take meal points, edible food. It’s definitely worth the hike (this time we’re not kidding) — just make sure you’re adequately prepared for the long journey ahead. Some items we think might be useful for the trek: positive spirit, empty stomach, hiking boots and absolutely nothing important on your schedule that will prevent you from walking all the way over there and all the way back to the part of campus where people actually are.
Idk, walk anywhere really
Berkeley’s campus is notorious for being hilly, so really walking anywhere will give you a workout. We just love love LOVE hills! Especially ones with tons of cross traffic, angry squirrels and never-ending construction!
We hope we gave you some great exercise spots! Let’s sweat together, Berkeley.
Contact Esmé Brachmann at firstname.lastname@example.org.